Tone: Sarcastic

A man had been drinking at a bar all night and puked down the front of his shirt.

“Shit, I can’t go home like this. My wife will kill me.”

The bartender sees this and says, “Put a $20 bill in your pocket, and when she sees the puke, tell her some drunk puked on you and gave you $20 for dry cleaning.”

So the guy goes home, and his wife sees the puke on his shirt and asks what happened. He replies, “A drunk guy puked on me, and he gave me $20 to pay for dry cleaning.”

His wife says, “Okay, well then why do you have $40 in your hand?”

“Because he also shit in my pants.”