Witty humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
I won a balloon elephant at the fair and it wouldn’t fit in the back seat of the car. So I had to pop the trunk.
As soon as the hospital made me put on one of those little gowns, I knew the end was in sight.
I was going to cook alligator for dinner…
But then I realized I only have a croc pot.
A man walks into the produce section of his local supermarket and asks to purchase half a head of lettuce. The boy working in the department tells him that lettuce is only sold in whole heads.
Frustrated, the man insists the boy ask his manager about the matter.
Walking into the back room, the boy says to his manager, “Some asshole wants to buy a half a head of lettuce.” And as he finishes his sentence, he turns to see the man standing right behind him, so he quickly adds, “and this kind gentleman offered to buy the other half.”
The manager approved the deal and the man went on his way.
An hour later, the manager finds the boy in the store and says, “I saw what you did there and was really impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation. We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from, son?”
“I’m from Canada, sir,” the boy replies.
“Why did you leave Canada for here?” the manager asks.
The boy sarcastically responds, “Sir, there’s nothing but whores and hockey players up there.”
“Oh really,” says the manager, “my wife is from Canada!”
The boy quickly replies, “No shit, who’d she play for?”
