It kinda sucked when I learned that what I’d won in the charity raffle was literally a “liquor basket,” and didn’t have anything at all to do with the woman who sold me the ticket.
Tone: witty
Witty humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
-
My rules for a night of married sex are now the same rules for a
My rules for a night of married sex are now the same rules for a family evening at home: Don’t block the TV and don’t wake me if I fall asleep.
-
The thing I like best about being a professional carpet layer is
The thing I like best about being a professional carpet layer is when some housewife naively asks me to make sure that the carpet matches the drapes.
-
What’s the difference between a bad and a filthy Rumination?
What’s the difference between a bad and a filthy Rumination? Fuck me if I know!
-
Those taking the similes quiz at home will remember we asked you
Those taking the similes quiz at home will remember we asked you to finish the following: a) As old as _____. b) As heavy as _____. c) As cold as _____. The correct answers are as follows: a) shit. b) shit. c) fuck.
-
“You have nothing to lose but inches!” certainly worked better
“You have nothing to lose but inches!” certainly worked better with girdle sales than it does with penis enhancement products.
-
I wish my blind date hadn’t told me he was a poultry farmer,
I wish my blind date hadn’t told me he was a poultry farmer, because now I feel compelled to keep checking out his cock.
-
I’m having an affair with a married woman, but it’s okay because
I’m having an affair with a married woman, but it’s okay because she and her husband have an arrangement: I come over every Monday night and have sex with her so he can watch the game.
-
I’m terrible at remembering sayings. I can usually come close,
I’m terrible at remembering sayings. I can usually come close, but close only counts in haircuts and handjobs.
-
No one was surprised when my flat-chested girlfriend discovered
No one was surprised when my flat-chested girlfriend discovered her family originates from the former Soviet republic of Nojugsistan.
