Instead of calling a conclusion that does not follow from the underlying logic a non sequitur, which is Latin for “it does not follow,” I think naming it for the Latin phrase for “cheese in the nose” would have made less, and thus more, sense.
Tone: witty
Witty humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Mother Nature and the Buttercups
I was out playing golf and sliced a shot into a field of buttercups.
Just as I was about to hit, I heard a voice say, “Don’t hurt any buttercups.”
I asked, “Who are you?”
“I’m Mother Nature. If you can chip out of this field of buttercups without harming a single one, I’ll guarantee you have butter every day for the rest of your life.”
I said, “Screw you. Where were you last week when I sliced into a field of pussy willows?”
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Inspect Her Gadget
I’m starting a vibrator repair service.
I’m calling it “Inspect Her Gadget.” -
Before and After Marriage
Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves.
After marriage, the “Y” becomes silent.
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Top 12 Things We Are Most Thankful for This Year
12. Urinal-water-resistant phone cases.
11. Being picked for the “Survivor” series filming over the remainder of the Presidential Primary season.
10. Toilet paper without pieces of bark in it.
9. Black Friday retailers who arm their staff with Tasers.
8. My wife for giving me a new AR-15 after my old one was taken from me in an armed robbery.
7. That there are six degrees of separation between me and Charlie Sheen.
6. I would show you how thankful I am for the Oxford Dictionary’s word of the year, but emojis don’t work here.
5. Terrorism and refugee crises put in perspective by students protesting certain Halloween costumes.
4. “Relaxed fit” Jeggings!
3. With the presidential election still a year away, 12 more months of Trump jokes!
2. Lube and needle-nose pliers. Please don’t ask why.
And the number one thing we’re most thankful for this year…
1. The love, patience, and understanding of my fam… [snort]… [chuckle]… sorry. Couldn’t say it with a straight face. CRONUTS, baby! Cronuts are friggin’ AWESOME!
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Top 16 Reindeer Mob Nicknames
16. Rudolph “Bloody Nose” Valentino
15. Dancer “On Your Grave” Zamboni
14. Rudolph “Red Light District” Gambini
13. Dancer “Crazy Legs” Baryshnikov
12. Dancer “With the Fishes” Rigatoni
11. Prancer “The Florist” DiFlamingo
10. Prancer “Twinkle Toes” Balleria
9. Comet “The Cleaner” Colombo
8. Cupid “Kiss of Death” Donnitelli
7. Blitzen “The Mad Bavarian” Schultz
6. Donner “Teflon Donner” Gotti
5. Rudolph “Rudy” Giuliani
4. Donner “Party” Cannibali
3. Dancer “Tiny” Eltonjohni
2. Vixen “The Big Antler” De Luca
And the number one Reindeer Mob nickname…
1. Donner “Chimney Plugger” Terrazzo
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The Lone Ranger’s Three Wishes
The Lone Ranger is riding across the range when he gets captured by a group of Native Americans.
The tribal leader shows the Lone Ranger his deepest respect, as the Ranger is considered an honorable man. He offers the Ranger three wishes before he is to be put to death by fire.
The Ranger calls for his faithful horse, Silver, and whispers in the horse’s ear. The horse rides off into the distance and a short time later returns with a beautiful blonde riding in his saddle.
The tribal leader is impressed and offers his personal tent to the Ranger. After some time in the tent, the Ranger emerges and asks for his horse again. He whispers in the horse’s ear, and Silver darts off into the distance. This time, Silver returns with a beautiful brunette on his saddle.
The tribal leader is impressed yet again and gestures toward his tent. Once the Ranger emerges from the tent, he asks to see his horse one last time.
The Ranger slaps Silver as hard as he can and says, “Read my lips, you stupid horse! I said POSSE!”
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The impotent couldn’t come
We recently opened a shelter for the poor, needy, and the impotent.
The poor and needy showed up, but the impotent couldn’t come.
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CB Lingo 201
I would think the hardest part of truck-driving school is CB Lingo 201. You know, the second year, where everything you say in class has to be in CB.
