Tone: witty

Witty humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

They’re trying to revoke Adrian Peterson’s bail for smoking pot, which is dumb because

They’re trying to revoke Adrian Peterson’s bail for smoking pot, which is dumb because he’d be easier to catch if he tried to run while stoned.
I can’t decide if my book about ponies on heroin should be called “Horses Do Horse, Of

I can’t decide if my book about ponies on heroin should be called “Horses Do Horse, Of Course, Of Course” or “They Shoot Up Horses, Don’t They?”
Hey hey!

Hey hey! Looks like I’m the first person to get out of a speeding ticket faking Ebola! Anyone know a good drycleaners?
If you’re embarrassed about getting breast implants, just tell people you had a

If you’re embarrassed about getting breast implants, just tell people you had a “deviated septum” in your tits.
If you drink Coke Zero, I shall assume you fancy killing hobos for sport.

If you drink Coke Zero, I shall assume you fancy killing hobos for sport.
It has been said, “If you love someone, let them go.”

It has been said, “If you love someone, let them go.” And if they come back, cut off their feet, steal their shoes and then make fun of them on the Internet for crying little girly tears.
This is just a guess but if you’re looking for a fun, upbeat church, the “Church of the

This is just a guess but if you’re looking for a fun, upbeat church, the “Church of the End Times” is probably not going to be it. Jody LaFerrier
Remember as you step into the voting booth: Your vote counts just as much as Honey Boo

Remember as you step into the voting booth: Your vote counts just as much as Honey Boo Boo’s mom’s vote. @JennyJohnsonHi5
I had to cat sit this weekend for Erwin Schrodinger.

I had to cat sit this weekend for Erwin Schrodinger. I may or may not have some bad news for him.
Just because you’re crazy doesn’t necessarily mean that you DON’T have bugs crawling

Just because you’re crazy doesn’t necessarily mean that you DON’T have bugs crawling around in your brain.