My wife just gave birth today and after thanking the doctor, I pulled him aside and sheepishly asked, “How soon do you think we’ll be able to have sex?”
He winked at me and said, “I’m off duty in ten minutes, meet me in the car park.”
Topic: parenting
Parenting jokes, kid chaos, family stress, and tiny humans causing damage from Chaotic Meh — sharp, strange, and probably not safe to explain at brunch.
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Love Do You Want Kids? Absolutely Not – Children We Need to Talk
Love, do you want kids?
Absolutely Not
Me Neither
Children, we need to talk
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If God Can Kill His Only Son I Doubt He’ll Care If You Yeetus That Fetus
If God can kill his only son I doubt he’ll care if you yeetus that fetus.
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If You Serve Your Kids Frozen Pizza You’re a Terrible Parent – Find the Time to Microwave That Shit
If you serve your kids frozen pizza or chicken nuggets for dinner, you’re a terrible parent. I don’t care how busy you are–find the time to microwave that shit.
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Can You Give the Kids a Talk on Drugs – I Talk a Lot of Shit When I’m High
Wife: Can you give the kids a talk on drugs?
Me: Ok but I talk a lot of shit when I’m high
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My First High School Football Game Was a Lot Like the First Time I Had Sex
MY FIRST HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL GAME WAS A LOT LIKE THE FIRST TIME I HAD SEX
I WAS BLOODY AND SORE BUT AT LEAST MY DAD CAME
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Y’all Niggas Be Unemployed Getting Girls Pregnant – How Ur Sperm Work But U Don’t
Raphael De La Ghetto @JayCuervo
y’all niggas be unemployed getting girls pregnant how ur sperm work but u don’t?
surfiver86: The sprem is white
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Why Am I Black and You’re White? Lucky You Don’t Bark
A boy asks his mom, “Why am i black and you’re white?”
Mom replied, “Don’t even go there. The way that party went. You’re lucky you don’t bark”
