Delivery Style: anecdotal

Anecdotal joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Not Good Enough For Her Family

    On his honeymoon, a redneck is about to make love when his wife asks, “Wait, honey, I have to tell you something. I’m a virgin.”

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    “WHAT THE HELL?” the man shouts and punches her in the face, knocking her to the ground.

    He wraps her in a sheet, drags her up the stairs, and leads her out the door. He throws her in the back of his pickup truck and drives to her father’s house, where he throws her out in the yard.

    Then the man drives to his father’s house, goes inside and hides.

    The father sees his son and says, “What the hell are you doing here, boy? Shouldn’t you be with your new wife?”

    “Well, Pa,” the son says, “I was, but she told me she’s still a virgin.”

    “Oh, holy shit,” Dad says. “What did you do then?”

    “I punched her in the face and knocked her out, wrapped her in a sheet, dragged her down the stairs, threw her out the door, threw her in the back of my pickup, then drove to her dad’s house and dumped her on the lawn.”

    Dad starts laughing and, patting his son on the back, says, “Good job, son. If she’s not good enough for her family, then I say she’s not good enough for ours either.”

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  • I Never Got This Far Before

    One bright and cheery Saturday morning, a man hears a knock at his front door and answers it.

    The stranger says, “Hello. I’m a Jehovah’s Witness, and I am here to enlighten you with some inspirational religious stories.”

    After a quick thought, the homeowner says, “Well, come on in.” He takes the stranger to the living room. “Please have a seat and let me bring you a cup of coffee.”

    Upon returning with a freshly brewed cup, he says to the stranger, “Now, what about these stories you have to enlighten me with?”

    The Jehovah’s Witness says, “Fuck if I know. I never got this far before.”

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  • Im Just Chewing Some Gum

    Terribly overweight, Don LaJoie went to the doctor and begged him to be put on a diet. The doctor suggested several, but Lajoie rejected them all, insisting that he had no willpower.

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    Considering the problem, the doctor said, “There is one thing we can try. It’s an experimental diet in which the jaw is wired shut and nourishment is provided through the rectum. Since the rectal walls can only absorb small amounts of food at a time, you will lose weight quickly.”

    LaJoie agreed to try the diet. Three weeks later, he returned for his checkup and, much to the doctor’s delight, the formerly obese man was now quite slender. He also had a remarkable bounce to his step.

    The physician removed the wire from LaJoie’s jaw and the man sat down. Much to the doctor’s surprise, his patient continued to bounce up and down on the seat.

    “So how do you feel?” the doctor asked.

    “Marvelous! Never better.”

    “Then tell me, why are you bouncing up and down like that?”

    “Oh,” says LaJoie, “I’m just chewing some gum.”

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  • Do You Have Any Grapes

    A duck walks into a bar, and he asks the bartender, “Do you have any grapes?” And the bartender replies, “No,” so the duck leaves.

    The next day the duck comes back into the bar and asks again, “Do you have any grapes?” So the bartender says, “No, this is a bar,” and the duck leaves.

    So the next day the duck comes back to the bar and asks, “Do you have any grapes?” And the bartender says, “Look, you stupid duck, this is a bar. We sell alcohol. No produce, no fruit, and no grapes. If you come back in here again and ask for grapes, I will nail your little webbed feet to the floor. Got it?”

    So the duck leaves. The next day the duck comes back into the bar and asks, “Do you have any nails?” And the bartender says, “No.” And then the duck says, “Great, so do you have any grapes?”

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  • Onions Was Such a Good Dog

    One day when I was young I walked into the kitchen and saw my dad cutting up onions, and just everything came over me I broke down crying. Onions was such a good dog.

  • Welcome to Jamaica Have a Nice Day

    For a wedding gift, a guy decides to tattoo his wife’s name on his penis…

    When erect, it proudly reads “Wendy” on the side of his shaft, but when soft it only shows “Wy”.

    While on his honeymoon in the Caribbean, he is using the bathroom and notices the guy in the urinal next to him also has a “Wy” on his penis.

    He then asks the guy if his wife is named Wendy. The guy replies in a Jamaican accent: “No man, why do you ask?”

    The husband then explains that he noticed the Wy on his penis and shared that he also has Wy on his and then when erect it says “Wendy”. The stranger then said: “When I have a hard on it says ‘Welcome to Jamaica, have a nice day.’”

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  • Goodbye You Little Shit

    Goodbye You Little Shit

  • Show Him Your Badge and Warrant

    A DEA officer had a tip that a farmer was growing weed and showed up to inform the farmer that he would be searching the farm for illegal marijuana plants.

    The farmer said: “I do not consent to a search without a warrant.”

    At which point the DEA pulled out his badge and a signed warrant and said: “THIS gives me the authoritah to search wherever I want.”

    So the farmer said: “Okay, but stay out of that field,” pointing to a fenced-in field.

    The DEA says: “Then that is where I will start.”

    The farmer just shrugged and went back to work.

    A few minutes later the DEA agent was screaming and the farmer came to see the DEA agent running and diving, trying to avoid being gored by the farmer’s large bull. The DEA agent was yelling for help. The farmer shouted: “SHOW HIM YOUR BADGE AND WARRANT!!!”

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  • Thats the Sheriffs Gal

    A lawyer from New York was transferred to a small frontier town during the settlement of the West. After several weeks there he noticed that the town was populated solely by men.

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    He asked one of the local cowboys, “What do you do when you get the urge for a woman?”

    The cowboy replied, “See them thar’ sheep up on th’et hill. We just go git us one.”

    “That is disgusting and barbaric!!” replied the lawyer.

    After about 3 months the lawyer could not stand it any longer. He decided though, if he was going to do a sheep, he would show these yokels how to do it right. He picked out the prettiest sheep of the bunch, bathed her, put a pink ribbon on her, served her hay on a china plate, dressed her in fine lingerie, and then took the sheep to bed.

    After he finished he decided to take his new found lover out for a drink. He wandered into the local saloon with the sheep under his arm.

    The piano fell silent, people dropped drinks, and all the cowboys turned, and stared in shocked disbelief.

    The lawyer said, “You bunch of hypocrites. You look at me as if I’m some sort of freak for doing what you’ve been doing all along. I’m just doing it with more class.”

    “That ain’t the problem,” replied one cowboy. “That’s the sheriff’s gal you’re with.”

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  • A Hot Dog and a Popsicle

    There was two people working in a coal mine. It was time for lunch so the two people sat down together; one was a West Virginian, the other a Virginian. While they were eating lunch, the Virginian pulled out a Thermos.

    “What is that?” asked the West Virginian.

    “A Thermos,” said the Virginian.

    “What is it used for?” asked the West Virginian.

    “It is used to store hot stuff in it and cold stuff in it,” said the Virginian.

    “I’m going to get me one,” said the West Virginian.

    So the next week when the West Virginian and the Virginian ate lunch together, the West Virginian pulled out a Thermos.

    “What’s in the Thermos?” asked the Virginian.

    “A hot dog and a Popsicle,” said the West Virginian.

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