Delivery Style: narrative

Narrative joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Everything’s Bigger in Texas

    A blind man travels to Texas and checks into a hotel.

    When he gets to his room, he feels around and runs his hand across the bed.

    “Good grief, this bed is huge!” he says.

    The bellhop chuckles and replies, “Sir, everything’s bigger in Texas.”

    Later that evening, the man heads down to the hotel bar.

    He climbs onto a tall barstool and orders a beer.

    The bartender sets a giant mug in front of him.

    The man feels around the glass and says, “Wow, this drink is enormous!”

    The bartender laughs and says, “Well sir, everything’s bigger in Texas.”

    After a few beers, the man asks where the restroom is.

    The bartender says, “Second door on the right.”

    The man heads down the hallway but accidentally walks into the third door instead.

    Unfortunately, that door leads straight to the hotel swimming pool.

    He falls in with a big splash.

    A moment later he pops his head above the water, waving his arms wildly and shouting:

    “DON’T FLUSH! DON’T FLUSH!”

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  • The Elevator Operator

    I took an elevator up to the 69th floor for a meeting and as I was getting out, the operator said, “Have a good day, son.” I grumbled, “Don’t call me son. You’re not my dad.”

    He scratched his head. “No, but I brought you up, didn’t I?”

    After my meeting, I got back on the elevator to go back down and the same operator was there.

    I didn’t say anything to him, but when we got to the ground floor, he said to me, “I’m sorry.”

    “Because you thought you were my dad?” I asked him.

    He shook his head. “No, son, because I let you down.”

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  • Hung Like a Horse

    This horse and rabbit were hanging out in their pasture when the horse went to get a drink out of the pond. Something spooked him and he fell in the mud and got stuck. The rabbit scampered off and got into the farmer’s Mercedes and drove down, threw a rope, and the horse bit the rope and the rabbit was able to pull them out.

    A couple of days later the rabbit fell in the mud, so the horse wanted to return the favor. He galloped over, straddled the pond and let his dong down for the rabbit to grab onto. The rescue was successful.

    The moral of the story is that when you’re hung like a horse, you don’t need a Mercedes.

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  • The Leprechaun Wish at the World Cup

    England had made the FIFA World Cup final, but poor Nigel was absolutely gutted. Due to a spate of bad financial luck, he had to cancel his plans to travel across the pond and cheer on his countrymen in person.

    While sulking on a walk, he spotted a four-leaf clover.

    “Maybe my luck has turned,” he said hopefully to himself.

    He picked it up, and suddenly, a little leprechaun with a bushy red beard appeared. It did a little dance and sang: “Hiya! I’m Happy McTavish, the magical leprechaun! It’s yer lucky fuckin’ day! Make yourself a wish, and I’ll grant it straight away! He-he-he!”

    Nigel didn’t hesitate. “I wish to be on the pitch with England in the World Cup final!”

    “DONE!”

    The leprechaun snapped its fingers, and a moment later, Nigel was on the pitch. It was all he could do to not burst into tears. Then Nigel thought – Hold on. Where are my arms and legs?

    Then BAM! Kicked in the face. BAM! Kicked in the face. BAM! Kicked in the face.

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  • Boat for Sale

    An old woman goes to the newspaper office after her husband died.

    She says to the person at the front desk that she needs to get an obituary published for her husband.

    She gets brought into an office and is asked what she wants the obituary to say.

    The woman thinks and says, “Fred Smith died.”

    The reporter looks at her and says, “Ma’am, you can have it say more than that if you want.”

    So the little old lady thinks for a second and says, “Fred Smith died. Boat for sale.”

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  • Theyre Looking for Us With Lanterns

    Jack and John went camping. After setting up their tent and relaxing for a while, it got dark and suddenly they were surrounded by mosquitoes. So they quickly got inside the tent and hid under the blanket.

    After some time, Jack decided to peek outside. He lifted the blanket and slightly opened the tent door, only to see a bunch of fireflies glowing outside.

    He immediately jumped back under the blanket and whispered to John:

    “Don’t go out… they’re looking for us with lanterns.”

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  • What’s Your Husband’s Number

    My wife’s sister visited us yesterday in her brand new Porsche…

    Astonished, my wife asked her, “How could you afford this?!”

    “You know, a blow job every now and again makes my husband very generous,” she replied.

    Surprised, my wife turned to me and winked, “I think I’ll start doing that.”

    “Me too,” I replied, turning to my sister-in-law. “What’s your husband’s number?”

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  • Do You Have a Weedeater

    Two Tennessee rednecks decided they weren’t going anywhere in life and thought they should go to college to get ahead.

    Bubba turns to Billy Ray and says, “Tomorrow I think I’ll go to the Community College, and sign up for some classes.”

    Billy Ray really doesn’t think very much, but says that he’ll go along for the ride.

    The next day, Bubba and Billy Ray go down to the Community College, and Bubba meets the Admissions Counselor. After a short discussion, the Counselor signs Bubba up for the four basic classes: Math, English, History, and Logic.

    “Logic?” Bubba says. “What the heck is that?”

    Well, the Counselor says, “I’ll show you. Do you own a weedeater?”

    “Yeah, I sure do,” says Bubba.

    “Then I can assume, using logic, that because you own a weedeater, you must have a yard,” replied the Counselor.

    “Hey, that’s really good!” replied Bubba.

    The Counselor continued, “Logic will also tell me that since you have a yard, you also probably own a house.”

    Impressed, the redneck said, “That’s amazing, yes, I do have a house!”

    “And because you have a house, and a yard, you might also logically have a family,” said the Counselor.

    “Hey, this is some good stuff! Yes, I do have a family!” says Bubba.

    The Counselor said, “I’m not done yet. Because you have a family, then logically you must have a wife.”

    “Yes, I sure do have a wife, her name is Betty Sue,” said Bubba.

    The redneck was starting to catch on.

    “Finally, since you have a wife, logically I can assume that you are probably heterosexual,” said the Counselor.

    “You’re absolutely right! Why that’s the most fascinatin’ thing I ever heard, figuring all that out ’cause I own a weedeater! I can’t wait to take this logic class!” said Bubba.

    The redneck, so proud of the new world opening up to him, walked back into the hallway where Billy Ray was waiting.

    “So what classes are ya takin’?” asked Billy Ray.

    “Math, English, History, and Logic!” replied Bubba.

    “Logic?” Billy Ray says. “What’s that?”

    Bubba says, “I’ll show you. Do you have a weedeater?”

    “No.”

    Perplexed, Bubba ponders for a moment, then says, “Then you’re homosexual, ain’t ya.”

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  • Perfect Eyesight on the Fairway

    Arthur is 75 years old…

    He’s played golf every day since his retirement 15 years ago.

    One day, he arrives home looking downcast.

    “That’s it,” he tells his wife. “I’m giving up golf. My eyesight has become so bad that once I hit the ball, I couldn’t see where it went.”

    His wife sympathizes and makes him a cup of tea.

    As they sit down, she says, “Why don’t you take my brother with you and give it one more try?”

    “That’s no good,” sighs Arthur, “your brother is 85. He can’t help.”

    “He may be 85,” says the wife, “but his eyesight is perfect.”

    So the next day, Arthur heads off to the golf course with his brother-in-law. He tees up, takes a mighty swing and squints down the fairway. He turns to the brother-in-law and says, “Did you see the ball?”

    “Of course I did!” the brother-in-law answers. “I have perfect eyesight.”

    “Where did it go?” Arthur asks.

    “I don’t remember.”

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  • May I Speak to Mr. Green

    A receptionist at a law office picks up the phone…

    “Can I speak to Mr. Green, please?” a little voice at the other end asks.

    “Oh, I’m sorry,” the receptionist says, “Mr. Green died last week.”

    “Thank you.” The little voice then hangs up.

    The next day, the phone rings again. The same little voice asks, “May I speak to Mr. Green, please?”

    The receptionist says, “I’m pretty sure you called yesterday, and I told you that Mr. Green is dead.”

    “Thank you.” The little voice responds again, then hangs up.

    The next day, the phone once again rings, and the same little voice asks, “May I speak to Mr. Green, please?”

    The receptionist is getting quite annoyed at this point. “Look, I know you’re the same person who called the last two days, and I told you that Mr. Green is dead! What about that don’t you understand!”

    The little voice responds, “Oh, I understand perfectly. I just love to hear you say it.”

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