Delivery Style: storytelling

Storytelling joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • The Donkey Clock

    An American man visiting Mexico finds his wristwatch has stopped working. He’s got a flight to catch in a few hours, so he tries to ask a local the time but doesn’t know the language. Finally he meets an old Mexican man sitting next to a donkey who speaks English. “Excuse me, Señor, but do you know the time?” the American asks.

    The old man reaches up and grabs the donkey’s balls. He twists them to the left, then he moves them to the right, then he lifts them up. “Sí, Señor, it’s 2:20,” he replies.

    The American stands there for a moment, flabbergasted. Then he replies, “Gracias, Señor,” and walks away pondering what he just witnessed.

    A short time passes and the American wants to see the old man’s trick again, so he asks him the time. The old man again grabs the donkey’s balls — he twists them left, then moves them right, then lifts them up. “It’s 2:45,” the old man replies.

    “How in the hell are you doing that? How do you tell the time with donkey balls?” says the American.

    The old man replies, “You see, Señor, I twist them left, I turn them right, then I lift them so I can see that clock over there.”

  • Show Him Your Badge

    A DEA officer stopped at our farm yesterday.

    “I need to inspect your farm for illegally grown drugs,” he said.

    I replied, “Okay, but don’t go in that field over there.”

    The DEA officer exploded. “Mister, I have the authority of the federal government with me!”

    Reaching into his back pocket, he pulled out his badge and shoved it in my face.

    “See this fucking badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish, on any land. No questions asked, no answers given! Do I make myself clear? Do you understand?”

    I nodded politely, apologized, and went back to my chores.

    A short time later, I heard loud screams. I looked up and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by my big old mean bull.

    With every step, the bull was gaining ground, and it looked like the officer would get gored before he made it to safety.

    So I threw down my tools, ran to the fence, and shouted at the top of my lungs:

    “Your badge! Show him your fucking badge!”

  • Wife Gave Birth – How Soon Can We Have Sex? I’m Off Duty in Ten Minutes

    Wife Gave Birth – How Soon Can We Have Sex? I’m Off Duty in Ten Minutes

    My wife just gave birth today and after thanking the doctor, I pulled him aside and sheepishly asked, “How soon do you think we’ll be able to have sex?”

    He winked at me and said, “I’m off duty in ten minutes, meet me in the car park.”

  • Gotta Get Wisdom Teeth Out – Why? Gotta Make Room for More Dicks?

    Gotta Get Wisdom Teeth Out – Why? Gotta Make Room for More Dicks?

    siouxchiefsouschef @legitwidget

    overheard one kid at the Mall of America tell his friends he had to get his wisdom teeth out and his friend says “why? gotta make room for more dicks?” and wow insults have really come a long way since I was a kid

  • Banging This Hot Chick on Her Kitchen Table – Quick Try the Backdoor

    Banging This Hot Chick on Her Kitchen Table – Quick Try the Backdoor

    I was banging this hot chick on her kitchen table when we heard the front door open

    She said “it’s my husband! Quick, try the backdoor!”

    Thinking back, I really should have ran but you don’t get offers like that every day.

  • The Backdoor

    I was banging this hot chick on her kitchen table when we heard the front door open.

    She said, “It’s my husband! Quick, try the backdoor!”

    Thinking back, I really should have run, but you don’t get offers like that every day.

  • My First Time With a Condom

    I recall my first time with a condom. I was 19 or so.

    I went in to buy a packet of condoms at the pharmacy. There was this beautiful woman assistant behind the counter, and she could see that I was new at it.

    She handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear one.

    I honestly answered, “No, this is my first time.”

    So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her thumb. She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure. I apparently still looked confused, so she looked all around the store to see if it was empty.

    It was empty. “Just a minute,” she said, and walked to the door and locked it.

    Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside. “Do these excite you?” she asked.

    Well, I was so dumbstruck that all I could do was nod my head.

    She then said it was time to slip the condom on. As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties and lay down on a desk.

    “Well, come on,” she said. “We don’t have much time.”

    So I climbed on her. It was so wonderful that, unfortunately, I could no longer hold back and KAPOW — I was done within a few minutes.

    She looked at me with a bit of a frown.

    “Did you put that condom on?” she asked.

    I said, “I sure did,” and held up my thumb to show her!

  • Why Is Your Hair White?

    A daughter once asked, “Why is your hair white?”

    Mom said, “Every time you’re bad, it loses its light.”

    The girl looked at Grandma and whispered in fright,

    “Wow, Mom, you must have been a real terror at night!”

  • Johnny Uses ‘Urinate’ in a Sentence

    Little Johnny was in class, and his teacher was going through a list of words to have each student use in a sentence.

    As she got closer to Johnny, she began to regret her decision. His word was “urinate,” and she really didn’t want to give it to him.

    The teacher asked, “Who wants the next one?”

    Little Johnny’s hand was waving in the air while no one else responded.

    Defeated, the teacher said, “Okay, Johnny, your word is ‘urinate.’”

    Little Johnny thought for a moment, then said, “My dad says you’re an eight, but if you had bigger tits, you’d be a ten.”

  • Fuck Him, Give Him Five Dollars

    A mailman was delivering mail on Christmas Eve when a beautiful middle-aged woman stopped him and said, “Can you come inside the house real quick?”

    The mailman was intrigued and followed her inside.

    She took him to the bedroom, started taking her clothes off, and they had sex.

    After it was over, he got dressed to leave, and she handed him a five-dollar bill.

    The mailman, confused, asked, “What was all this for?”

    She said, “My husband and I were discussing Christmas gifts, and I asked him if we should give anything to the mailman.”

    “He said, ‘Ahh, fuck him, give him five dollars.’”