Delivery Style: surprise twist

Surprise twist joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Pirate Hook

    Pirate Hook

    A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said: “Hey, I haven’t seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible.”

    “What do you mean?” said the pirate, “I feel fine.”

    Bartender: “What about the wooden leg? You didn’t have that before.”

    Pirate: “Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I’m fine now.”

    Bartender: “Well, ok, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?”

    Pirate: “We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight. My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook. I’m fine, really…”

    Bartender: “What about that eye patch?”

    Pirate: “Oh, one day we were at sea and a flock of birds flew over. I looked up and one of them shit in my eye.”

    Bartender: “You’re kidding, you lost an eye just from bird shit?”

    Pirate: “It was my first day with the hook.”

  • Happy Ending Rabbit

    Happy Ending Rabbit

    …AND SO THE LITTLE RABBIT QUICKLY DUCKED INTO A BUSH TO HIDE FROM THE SCARY FARMER AND HIS DOGS.

    HEY DAD… WILL THIS STORY HAVE A HAPPY ENDING?

    WELL… IF YOU INSIST.

    *PTOOEY*

    Cyanide and Happiness © Explosm.net

  • Ms Jackson Four Eels

    Ms Jackson Four Eels

    I’m sorry Ms. Jackson (ooo)

    I am four eels

    Never meant to make your daughter cry

    BABY WAIT

    I am several fish and not a guy

  • I Can Tell By the Voice

    I came home really drunk last night and my wife wasn’t happy at all. “How much have you had to drink?” she asked sternly, staring at me. “Nothing” I slurred. “Look at me!” she shouted. “It’s either me or the pub, which one is it?” I paused for a second while I thought and mumbled…

    “It’s you. I can tell by the voice.”

    Share:TwitterFacebookLinkedinRedditWhatsappEmail

  • The Third Old Lady Couldnt Reach

    Three old ladies are sitting on a park bench.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    All of a sudden a strange man in a trench-coat walks in front of them and blatantly flashes them.

    The first old lady had a stroke.

    The second old lady also had a stroke.

    But the third old lady couldn’t reach.

    Share:TwitterFacebookLinkedinRedditWhatsappEmail

  • Is That All You People Think About

    Two elderly Jewish men are strolling down the street one day, when they happen to walk by a Catholic church. They see a big sign posted that says, “Convert to Catholicism and get $50.”

    Murray stops and stares at the sign. Abe turns to him and says, “Murray, what’s going on?”

    “Abe,” replies Murray, “I’m thinking of doing it.”

    Abe says, “What are you, crazy?”

    Murray thinks for a minute and says, “Abe, I’m going to do it.”

    With that, Murray strides purposefully into the church and comes out twenty minutes later with his head bowed.

    “So,” asks Abe, “did you convert?”

    “Yes I did,” says Murray.

    “Did you get your fifty dollars?” asks Abe.

    And Murray says, “Is that all you people think about?”

    Share:TwitterFacebookLinkedinRedditWhatsappEmail

  • Our Prayers Have Been Answered

    A lady approaches a priest and tells him, “Father, l have a problem.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    I have these two talking female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing.”

    “What do they say?” the priest inquired.

    “They only know how to say, ‘Hi, we are prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?”

    “That’s terrible!” the priest exclaimed, “but l have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house and l will put them in with my two male parrots who l taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to worship.”

    “Thank you!” the woman responded. So the next day, the lady brings her female parrots to the priest’s house. The priest’s two parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage.

    The lady puts her female parrots in with the male parrots and the female parrots say, “Hi, we are prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?” One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and exclaims, “Put the bibles away. Our prayers have been answered!”

    Share:TwitterFacebookLinkedinRedditWhatsappEmail

  • Havent Seen You for Weeks

    A Woman goes to buy a Parrot. The prices are $100, $200, and $15. She asks why the last one is so cheap?

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    “Because he used to live in a brothel” says the shopkeeper. She pays $15.

    When she gets home the parrot says: “Fuck me, a new brothel!” The woman laughs.

    When her daughters get home the parrot says: “Fuck me, 2 new prozzies!” The girls laughs too.

    When the dad gets home the parrot says: “Fuck me Pete, haven’t seen you for weeks!”

    Share:TwitterFacebookLinkedinRedditWhatsappEmail

  • You Can Choose Any Prize From the Bottom Shelf

    A man meets a gorgeous woman in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    They get back to her place, and as she shows him around her apartment where he notices that her bedroom is completely packed with teddy bears. Hundreds of small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor, medium sized bears on a shelf a little higher, and huge bears on the top shelf.

    The man is rather surprised that she would have a collection of teddy bears, especially a collection so extensive, but he decided not to mention it. He turned to her… they kissed… and then they ripped each other’s clothes off and made passionate love.

    After an intense night of passion, as were are lying there together in the afterglow, the man rolled over and asked the stupid question that all men seem to ask at some point: “Well, how was it?”

    The woman says, “You can choose any prize from the bottom shelf.”

    Share:TwitterFacebookLinkedinRedditWhatsappEmail

  • Please Let This Be a Tea Bag

    A guy wakes up in the morning. He has a massive hangover and can’t remember anything he did last night. He picks up his dressing gown from the floor and puts it on. He notices there’s something in one of the pockets and it turns out to be a bra.

    He thinks to himself, “Uh oh. What happened last night?” He walks towards the bathroom and finds a panty in the other pocket of his gown.

    Again he thinks, “What happened last night. What have I done? It must have been a wild party,” making his best attempt to conclude and accept the evidence.

    He opens the bathroom door, walks in and has a look in the mirror. He notices a little string hanging out of his mouth and his only thought is “If there’s a God, please let this be a tea bag.”

    Share:TwitterFacebookLinkedinRedditWhatsappEmail