Delivery Style: surprise twist

Surprise twist joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Dont Complain About My Cooking

    A gay man, finally deciding he could no longer hide his homosexuality from his parents, goes over to their house and found his mother in the kitchen cooking dinner. Sitting down at the kitchen table, he lets out a big sigh and says, “Mom, I have something to tell you: I’m gay.”

    His mother made no reply, and the guy was about to repeat it, when she turned to him and said calmly, “You’re gay? Doesn’t that mean you put other men’s penises in your mouth?”

    Nervously, the guy said, “Uh, yeah, Mom, well I guess so.”

    His mother went back to stirring the pot. Suddenly, she whirled around and whacked him over the head with her spoon, saying, “Don’t you EVER complain about my cooking again!!!!!”

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  • The Taxi Driver

    A boy and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town, doing what boys and girls do on back roads some distance from town, when the girl stopped the boy. “I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I’m actually a hooker and I charge $20 for sex.”

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    The boy reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing. After the cigarette, the boy just sat in the driver’s seat looking out the window.

    “Why aren’t we going anywhere?” asked the girl.

    “Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I’m actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $25.”

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  • Caught In Bed With My Board

    These two guys had just gotten divorced and they swore they would never have anything to do with women again. They were best friends and they decided to move up to Alaska as far north as they could go and never look at a woman again. They got up there and went into a trader’s store and told him, “Give us enough supplies to last two men for one year.”

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    The trader got the gear together and on top of each one’s supplies he laid a board with a hole in it with fur around the hole. The guys said, “What’s that board for?”

    The trader said, “Well, where you’re going there are no women and you might need this.”

    They said, “No way! We’ve sworn off women for life!”

    The trader said, “Well, take the boards with you, and if you don’t use them I’ll refund your money next year.”

    “Okay,” they said and left.

    Next year this guy came into the trader’s store and said, “Give me enough supplies to last one man for one year.”

    The trader said, “Weren’t you in here last year with a partner?”

    “Yeah,” said the guy.

    “Where is he?” asked the trader.

    “I shot him,” said the guy.

    “Why?”

    “I caught him in bed with my board.”

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  • Head in the Fence

    This guy is driving through California and picks up a hitchhiker. They continue down the road until they come upon a sheep with its head caught in the fence. The driver, overcome with emotion, pulls off the road and says, “Oh, I can’t just drive past without doing something about this… I’ll be right back.”

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    He gets out of the car, goes up to the sheep, and starts fucking it from behind. When done, he walks back to the car and gets in.

    The California guy goes, “Damn! I’ve never seen anything like that.”

    The driver says, “You ought to try it, it’s fantastic.”

    The California guy goes, “…Yea, it did look like a lot of fun, what the hell, I’ll do it!”

    He gets out of the car, walks over to the fence, and sticks his head through it.

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  • Hurts Doesnt It

    A married guy was out getting a little “strange stuff” when he suffered a massive heart attack and died. The undertaker called his wife as he was preparing the body, saying, “Your late husband died with a tremendous erection that we can’t get to go away… What would you like us to do?”

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    To which she replied, “Somehow, that doesn’t surprise me… Cut it off and stuff it in his ass.”

    When she went to view the body she noticed a somewhat pained expression on her deceased husband’s face as he lay in the casket. Bending over him she said softly, “Hurts, doesn’t it?”

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  • My Butt on the Account

    My mouth keeps writing checks my butt can’t cash, so I got my butt on the account, too. Unfortunately, it tends to blurt out my account number at inopportune times, like it did when I was applying for a mortgage last week. At least that’s what I told the loan agent.

  • Faster Than a Speeding Bullet

    One afternoon Superman was out flying around. Crime was slow that day, so he decided to go over to Spiderman’s house.

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    Supe: “Hey Spidey, let’s go get a burger and a beer!”

    Spidey: “No can do, Supe. I’ve got a problem with my web-shooter. Can’t fight crime tomorrow without it.”

    So Superman heads over to the Bat Cave.

    Supe: “Hey, Batman! Let’s go get a burger and a beer!”

    Batman: “Not today, my friend. The BatMobile is down and it’s gotta be fixed. Can’t fight crime tomorrow without it.”

    Disgruntled, Superman takes to the air. Cruising around, he flies over a penthouse apartment balcony where none other than Wonder Woman is lying, spread-eagle and stark-naked. Supe gets a brilliant idea: “They’ve always said I’m faster than a speeding bullet and I’ve always wondered what she’d be like with all her Wonder Powers.”

    So he zooms down, does her in a flash and is gone before anyone can notice. All of a sudden Wonder Woman sits up and says, “What was that?!”

    The Invisible Man gets off her and replies, “I don’t know, but my ass hurts like hell!”

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  • The Dead Frog

    This kid walks into a whorehouse dragging a dead frog on a string behind him. The kid walks up to the Madame and says that he wants a girl.

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    The Madame says to the kid, “Sorry… You are too young.”

    The kid promptly puts a $100 bill on the counter and the Madame says, “One girl coming right up…”

    As the Madame starts walking away the kid says, “Hold on a minute… I need a girl with active herpes.”

    The Madame says, “Sorry kid… All my girls are clean.”

    The kid promptly places another $100 bill on the table and the Madame says, “One dirty lady coming right up!!!”

    The kid goes upstairs, fucks the girl, and when he comes back down the Madame can’t help but ask, “Why did you want a girl with active herpes?”

    The kid replied, “You see… it goes like this… I went up, fucked that girl and got the herpes. I’ll go home and my babysitter will be there and I’ll fuck my babysitter and she’ll get the herpes. Then my dad will come home and take the babysitter home and fuck the babysitter and he’ll get the herpes. Then he’ll come home and fuck my mum and SHE’LL get the herpes. Tomorrow morning my dad will go to work at 8 AM. At nine the milkman comes… and HE’S the bastard that killed my frog!!!!!”

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  • Someone’s Coming

    One evening Snow White decided she was sleepy and announced to the seven dwarfs that she was going to bed. After the usual lengthy round of “Good Nights” she went upstairs.

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    Immediately all seven dwarfs rushed outside and began standing on each others’ shoulders beneath Snow White’s bedroom window. Tonight was Grumpy’s turn to be on the top and as he was the only one who could see in the window it was his duty to inform the other dwarfs what she was doing.

    After a minute or two he hollered down, “She’s taking off her blouse!” and this was echoed down the stack — “Taking off her blouse,” “She’s taking off her blouse,” “Blouse is coming off,” “Taking off her blouse,” etc.

    Next Grumpy yelled, “She’s taking off her skirt,” which was followed by the echoes — “Taking off her skirt,” “She’s taking off her skirt,” “Skirt’s coming off,” “Taking off her skirt,” etc.

    Of course the next line from Grumpy was, “She’s taking off her bra!” and the echo chorus went down the line: “She’s taking off her bra!” “She’s taking off her bra!” “She’s taking off her bra!” etc.

    Then Grumpy said, “She’s taking off her panties!” which again cascaded down the dwarf tower. “She’s taking off her panties!” “She’s taking off her panties!” “She’s taking off her panties!” “She taking off her panties!” etc.

    Finally Grumpy looked around and from his vantage height saw someone coming through the woods so he yelled, “Someone’s coming!”

    And from the next dwarf to the bottom dwarf was heard, “Me too.” “Me too.” “Me too.” “Me too.” “Me too.” “Me too.”

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  • Paint My House

    Some smart looking businessman dude was sitting in a bar drinking a beer one night when a gorgeous well-stacked blonde walked in.

    She says, “For $250, I’ll do anything you want, only you have to describe it in three words or less.”

    He thinks about this a minute or so, pulls out $250, and says, “Paint my house.”

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