SHOULD HAVE USED A DIAMOND™
The new DIAMOND DM1855-E hydraulic nail gun. Now with extended seven year warranty.
DIAMOND POWER TOOLS
Surprise twist joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

SHOULD HAVE USED A DIAMOND™
The new DIAMOND DM1855-E hydraulic nail gun. Now with extended seven year warranty.
DIAMOND POWER TOOLS

March 2018
Wanna be my gf? 15:21
Only if WW3 would start. 15:22
Today
Yo 11:49
I said to my wife, “They say that childbirth is the most painful thing someone can experience…”
“Now, maybe I was too young to remember, but I didn’t think it hurt that much.”
Jerry and Stan are walking down the street when they see a stunning woman in a first-floor window blowing kisses at them.
Jerry says, “Hey, look at that! That woman is blowing kisses at me!”
Stan replies, “Just ignore her. Don’t pay her any mind.”
The woman then gestures for Jerry to come up to her apartment.
Jerry says, “Did you see that? She’s calling for me!”
Stan insists, “Man, don’t go up there!”
Jerry asks, “Why not? Why don’t you want me to go see her?”
Stan pleads, “Dude, just listen to me. Don’t go!”
Jerry ignores him and runs into the building.
The woman comes down to meet him, and they go up to her apartment.
Just as they are about to get into bed, they hear a car horn outside.
The woman looks out the window and says, “Oh no, that’s my husband!”
“Crap!” Jerry exclaims.
“Don’t worry,” she says, pointing to a large pile of clothes. “I’ll just tell him you’re the new housekeeper. Here, start ironing these clothes.”
Because the husband stays home all day, Jerry spends the entire day ironing.
The next day, Jerry goes to Stan’s house and tells him the whole story.
“You won’t believe what happened. Her husband came home, and to avoid suspicion, she had me iron a huge pile of clothes. I was stuck there ironing all day!”
“I told you not to go,” sighs Stan. “All those clothes you spent the day ironing? I washed them the day before.”
Dave pulled up a stool at his favorite bar and announced, “My wife must love me more than any woman has ever loved any man!”
The bartender asked, “What makes you say that?”
Dave beamed with pride. “Last week, I had to take a couple of sick days from work.”
“She was so thrilled to have me around that every time a mailman or delivery guy came by, she’d run down the driveway waving her arms and hollering, ‘My husband’s home! My husband’s home!’”
Two slices of bread got married.
The wedding was amazing, until someone decided to toast the bride and groom.