Anecdotal comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
Little Johnny’s kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures, tacked to a bulletin board, of the 10 most wanted men. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.
“Yes,” said the policeman. “The detectives want him very badly.”
So Little Johnny asked, “Why didn’t you keep him when you took his picture?”
Little Johnny wanted to go to the zoo and pestered his parents for days. Finally his mother talked his reluctant father into taking him.
When the day came, Little Johnny and his daddy got in the car and headed for the zoo. They were gone most of the day, and as the sun was setting, they arrived home.
“So how was it?” his mother asked Little Johnny.
“Great!” Little Johnny replied.
“Did you and your father have a good time?” asked his mother.
“Yeah, Daddy really liked it a lot,” exclaimed Little Johnny excitedly, “especially when one of the horses came racing home at 30 to 1 odds!”
siouxchiefsouschef @legitwidget
overheard one kid at the Mall of America tell his friends he had to get his wisdom teeth out and his friend says “why? gotta make room for more dicks?” and wow insults have really come a long way since I was a kid
The other day, a homeless man asked me for a dollar.
I told him that I only carry big bills. He asked me for one of those, so I gave him my electric bill.
A little boy, wearing a big red fire hat, was riding a toy fire truck down the street. The truck was being pulled by a beautiful Labrador Retriever. Unfortunately, the rope was tied around the dog’s privates, and as a consequence, the truck was going very slowly.
A man walking down the street noticed how slowly the boy was being pulled and gently said to him, “You know, son, that truck would go a lot faster if the rope was tied around your dog’s neck.”
The boy nodded in agreement and said, “But then there wouldn’t be a siren.”
Lil’ Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horses’ legs, rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Johnny asked, “Pop, why are you doing that?”
“Because I’m thinking of buying these horses.”
Johnny looked worried, “Then I think we’d better hurry home right away!”
“Why?” his father asked.
“Because the milkman stopped by yesterday, and I think he wants to buy Mom!”
Two-year-old little Johnnie was being bounced up and down on his grandad’s knee when he suddenly asked, “Gwandad, where do babies come fwom?”
Grandad was a bit shocked and thought a bit: he then said, “Why my boy, they come from the stork.”
After about two minutes little Johnnie said, “Gwandad… who fucks the stork?”
A little girl was playing in the garden when she spotted two spiders mating.
“Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?” she asked.
“They’re mating,” her father replied.
“What do you call the spider on top, Daddy?” she asked.
“That’s a daddy longlegs,” her father answered.
“So, the other one is a mommy longlegs?” the little girl asked.
“No,” her father replied. “Both of them are daddy longlegs.”
The little girl thought for a moment, then took her foot and stamped them flat.
“Well, we’re not having THAT sort of thing in OUR garden!”
