Lifting up my bra in New Orleans should have gotten me a standing ovation, but “that don’t help the houses get built!” according to my douchebag Habitat for Humanity supervisor.
Format: anecdotal
Anecdotal comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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I was putting on my shoes when my hands were full and I had to
I was putting on my shoes when my hands were full and I had to sort of artfully slip my heel in several times until it felt just right. That’s when I thought to myself: This is a lot like fucking.
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Sometimes when I’m in the shower, all hot, wet and naked,
Sometimes when I’m in the shower, all hot, wet and naked, soaping up my breasts and having fun with the showerhead, I try and think of ways to incorporate that scene into a filthy Rumination. Unfortunately, no luck so far.
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While talking about our relationship, I told my wife that a pack
While talking about our relationship, I told my wife that a pack of wild horses couldn’t drag me away. However, under cross examination I had to admit that a pack of wild whores probably could.
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It kinda sucked when I learned that what I’d won in the charity
It kinda sucked when I learned that what I’d won in the charity raffle was literally a “liquor basket,” and didn’t have anything at all to do with the woman who sold me the ticket.
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While I was traveling for work, my wife called to excitedly tell
While I was traveling for work, my wife called to excitedly tell me that she was expecting at least eight inches overnight. I hope she was only talking about snow.
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Word to the wise: The line “Honey, I hurt my penis — can you
Word to the wise: The line “Honey, I hurt my penis — can you kiss it and make it better?” should be used very sparingly. Sooner or later you’re going to lose your balance mountainbiking and bang it against the gooseneck, giving you a good 10 minutes of intense sharp pain, after which you’ll return home and she’ll be all “I’m not falling for that again!”
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There’s a girl in my office who pipes up at the end of every
There’s a girl in my office who pipes up at the end of every sentence and tries to finish it for you. In response, I’ve started ending all my sentences with “that fucks a donkey.” It hasn’t really stopped her from trying to finish my sentences, but it’s gotten me a LOT of attention from the Human Resources folks.
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Evidently, some guys consider less-than-manly the idea of a man
Evidently, some guys consider less-than-manly the idea of a man making lunch for his wife before he leaves for work. At least that would explain the snickering when I told my co-workers that I tossed my wife’s salad this morning.
