Format: anecdotal

Anecdotal comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • I was walking my dog when a lady asked if the shit pile on her

    I was walking my dog when a lady asked if the shit pile on her lawn was mine and I got super offended because I haven’t shat on a lawn in weeks.

  • While flipping through the TV channels, I found the “Thriller”

    While flipping through the TV channels, I found the “Thriller” video in the middle of the zombie dance. My youngest son said, “I bet that’s what Michael looks like now.”

  • A friend used the term “life hack” in front of me today. No clue

    A friend used the term “life hack” in front of me today. No clue what it means so I just nodded my head and said I agreed his mom is a cunt.

  • My Uncle Larry once told me that you knew you had a good strong

    My Uncle Larry once told me that you knew you had a good strong penis if you could lift weights with it. At least, that’s how I explained the whole bowling ball/SuperGlue incident to the ER staff.

  • That Moth Had a Big Cock

    I was driving along with my young son when we noticed a car driving erratically ahead of us. As we pulled alongside it, ready to overtake, the window came down and a massive dildo — sixteen inches if it was a day — came flying out the window and smacked into our windscreen before flying off to the curb side.

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    My son looked confused for a second before asking, “What was that, Dad?”

    I had to think quick. “That was a moth,” I replied. “Just a moth.”

    He thought about it for a while and said, “Fuck, that moth had a big cock, eh Dad!”

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  • Eaton / Dayton

    I was datin’ this girl from Eaton.

    Or maybe it was the other way around and she was from Dayton.

  • Dentist Impressions

    I was at the dentist this afternoon for some impressions.

    He does a good Johnny Carson but his Frank Sinatra is terrible.

  • The Pumpkin Patch

    Recently, a female sheriff’s deputy arrested Patrick Lawrence, a 22-year-old white male, who was fornicating with a pumpkin in the middle of a field at night.

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    Unleash Chaos

    The next day, at the Gwinnett County (Georgia) courthouse, Lawrence was charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency, and public intoxication.

    The suspect explained he was passing a pumpkin patch on his way home from a drinking session when he decided to stop. “You know how a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around for miles, or at least I thought there was no one around,” he stated.

    Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purpose, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his pressing need. “Guess I was really into it, y’know?” he commented with evident embarrassment.

    In the process of doing the deed, Lawrence failed to notice an approaching sheriff’s car and was unaware of his audience until Deputy Brenda Taylor approached him. “It was an unusual situation, that’s for sure,” said Deputy Taylor. “I walked up to Lawrence and he’s just humping away at this pumpkin.”

    Deputy Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Lawrence. “I said, ‘Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you’re having sex with a pumpkin?’”

    He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then he looked me straight in the face and said, “A pumpkin? Shit… is it midnight already?”

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  • World’s Biggest Fan

    I took my friend to see the world’s biggest fan for his birthday.

    He was blown away.