Format: anecdotal

Anecdotal comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Word to the wise: The line “Honey, I hurt my penis — can you

    Word to the wise: The line “Honey, I hurt my penis — can you kiss it and make it better?” should be used very sparingly. Sooner or later you’re going to lose your balance mountainbiking and bang it against the gooseneck, giving you a good 10 minutes of intense sharp pain, after which you’ll return home and she’ll be all “I’m not falling for that again!”

  • There’s a girl in my office who pipes up at the end of every

    There’s a girl in my office who pipes up at the end of every sentence and tries to finish it for you. In response, I’ve started ending all my sentences with “that fucks a donkey.” It hasn’t really stopped her from trying to finish my sentences, but it’s gotten me a LOT of attention from the Human Resources folks.

  • Evidently, some guys consider less-than-manly the idea of a man

    Evidently, some guys consider less-than-manly the idea of a man making lunch for his wife before he leaves for work. At least that would explain the snickering when I told my co-workers that I tossed my wife’s salad this morning.

  • It was difficult enough working up the nerve to address the

    It was difficult enough working up the nerve to address the sexual problems in my marriage and suggest to my wife that maybe we should have an open relationship and have sex with other people. Her response of “THANK YOU, GOD!!!!” sure didn’t help.

  • I was having lunch with my girlfriend the other day when I

    I was having lunch with my girlfriend the other day when I unexpectedly got a really fierce hard-on. Sure, it was kind of embarrassing, but at least I had somewhere to put the pineapple rings when I went for seconds at the buffet.

  • My buddy thought I was nuts when we spotted an extremely large

    My buddy thought I was nuts when we spotted an extremely large woman and I said, “Man! I’d like to get all up in dat!” What he doesn’t understand is that my comment was actually about my return-to-the-womb issues.

  • My girlfriend is all pissed off because I ruined her Mickey

    My girlfriend is all pissed off because I ruined her Mickey Mouse bobblehead. I maintain that with all that alcohol in my system, it looked exactly like a butt plug.

  • I was shocked when my boyfriend told me he’d love to join me for

    I was shocked when my boyfriend told me he’d love to join me for a spa day yesterday. Turns out he’d seen their advertisement promising extreme facials.

  • My stupid boyfriend will do anything I dare him to, including

    My stupid boyfriend will do anything I dare him to, including taking off his bathing suit at the public pool and showing everyone his junk. It was pretty damned funny until the cops showed up, at which point I totally denied he was my boyfriend. Hey, I don’t want to be with anyone stupid enough to do that kind of shit just because I dare him.

  • (b0nrmunky) When I got exhausted keeping up with my girlfriend’s

    (b0nrmunky) When I got exhausted keeping up with my girlfriend’s desire for sex, she suggested bringing other guys into the bedroom to help, and I agreed. The problem is that she goes through so many of them, I get exhausted just watching.