A three-year-old little boy was examining his testicles while taking a bath.
“Mama,” he asked, “Are these my brains?”
Mama answered, “Not yet…”
Format: narrative
Narrative comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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I Cant Do That
Guy goes to the doctor for a checkup. As he is being looked over, the doctor asks about his stuttering. After considerable effort, he was able to tell the doctor that it started shortly after reaching puberty. The doctor asks him to drop his pants and underwear, at which point he sees the patient has an exceptionally large member. The doctor picks it up and asks the man if he feels any better. The patient clearly replies with no stutter that he feels great. The doctor tells him the weight is putting stress on his diaphragm, making it hard to move air in and out of his lungs, causing the stutter. The doctor says he can correct the problem but will have to replace his manhood with a smaller but still functional penis. The guy agrees to have it done because he is tired of the looks and insults he gets from strangers.
A couple days later he storms into the doctor’s office and, with perfect diction, asks the doctor to give back his old penis or his girlfriend will leave him.
The doctor replies, “I-I-I-I’m s-s-s-so sorry. I-I-I c-c-ca-can-can’t do that.”
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Learn to Write With Your Other Hand
A teacher sternly informs her class that no excuse, from a papercut to the plague, is acceptable for missing a final exam.
When students suggest scenarios like car issues or roadblocks, she tells them to walk or find a detour.
Finally, a student asks what to do in the case of “extreme sexual exhaustion”?
To which the teacher deadpans, “You’ll just have to learn to write with your other hand.”
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It Fall Off by Itself
A guy develops a really bad infection on his penis. Like, seriously bad. He goes to multiple doctors, even the expensive ones, and they all tell him the same thing: it has to be amputated or the infection could spread and kill him. Eventually, he gives up and accepts his fate. Surgery is scheduled.
Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.Unleash Chaos -
Not Pay Off My Student Debt
A college student is walking on the beach when he finds a magic lamp with a genie inside.
So the college student says, “I want to be the richest man in the world.”
The genie snaps his fingers and responds, “Sure. You now have a billion dollars.”
The college student frowns and says, “That’s great and all, but I said the richest man in the world, not pay off my student debt.”
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Rollerblades in Heaven
Three guys die in a car crash and are standing at heaven’s gates to get in.
The first guy walks up to the gates. The angel says, “How many times have you cheated on your wife?” He replies, “I’ve never cheated on my wife.” The angel says, “Here are the keys to your Mercedes-Benz. Take them, drive through the gate, and have everlasting happiness.”
The second guy walks up to the gates. The angel says, “How many times have you cheated on your wife?” He replies, “Two, maybe three times.” The angel says, “Here are the keys to your Honda Civic. Take them, drive through the gates, and have everlasting happiness.”
The third guy walks up to the gates. The angel says, “How many times have you cheated on your wife?” He says, “Oh God, I have no clue, I can’t remember.” The angel says, “Here are the keys to your Ford Pinto. Take them, drive through the gates, and have everlasting happiness.”
Later on, the second and the third guy come across the first guy who never cheated on his wife. And he’s sitting on the hood of his car crying. They said, “What’s wrong? You have a beautiful car, you’re in heaven, and you have everlasting happiness. Why are you crying?”
He replied, “I just saw my wife go by on a pair of rollerblades.”
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I Never Got This Far Before
One bright and cheery Saturday morning, a man hears a knock at his front door and answers it.
The stranger says, “Hello. I’m a Jehovah’s Witness, and I am here to enlighten you with some inspirational religious stories.”
After a quick thought, the homeowner says, “Well, come on in.” He takes the stranger to the living room. “Please have a seat and let me bring you a cup of coffee.”
Upon returning with a freshly brewed cup, he says to the stranger, “Now, what about these stories you have to enlighten me with?”
The Jehovah’s Witness says, “Fuck if I know. I never got this far before.”
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I Train SEALs Not Dolphins
An older gentleman had his car stopped at a red light when a young rich asshole hit him with his Impala. Though the impact barely made a dent in either car, when both drivers went out to assess the damage, the asshole went ballistic.
“Look what you did to my Impala! It’s ruined! I’m gonna sue you! You owe me a new car.”
The older gentleman looked genuinely remorseful. “I’m sorry, sir, but I don’t think I can afford to replace an Impala.”
“Then I’m gonna beat your ass right here!” the asshole retorted.
The older gentleman looked at the asshole. “I have a better idea. My son is visiting for the holidays, he’s in the passenger seat of my car. You two can fight it out, since I clearly would be no match for you in a physical fight. If you win, I’ll gladly pay for a new Impala, but if he wins, you knock off this nonsense.”
“What does your son do for a living?” the asshole asked.
“He trains dolphins.”
The asshole laughed. “Trains dolphins? Easy fight. OK, call your son here.”
The older gentleman called for his son. A minute later, a tall, extremely muscular young man in a Navy uniform steps out and proceeds to beat the asshole into pudding in ten seconds. The son then looks at his father and says:
“Pop, I keep telling you, I train SEALs, not dolphins.”
