Format: narrative

Narrative comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • An artist needed glasses…

    An artist needed glasses, but like many artists, she didn’t have health insurance.

    An ophthalmologist who admired her work offered a deal: he’d cover the cost of everything except the office visit if she’d paint a mural in his waiting room.

    Two weeks later, the artist had her new glasses and spent the weekend painting the mural. On Monday, the doctor and his staff arrived, eager to see what she’d created.

    The artist proudly ushered them in. Every wall was covered with eyes — some open, some closed, some long-lashed, in shades of brown, blue, green, and hazel. One even had a single teardrop.

    “So,” asked the artist, “what do you think?”

    The doctor paused, looked around the room, and said, “I think I’m glad I’m not a gynecologist.”

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  • Three men find a harem

    Three guys were traveling through Saudi Arabia when they accidentally stumbled into a harem tent filled with over a hundred beautiful women.

    They started getting friendly with the women when suddenly the Sheik burst in and shouted, “I am the master of all these women! No one else may touch them except me. You three men must pay for what you’ve done. Your punishment will correspond to your profession.”

    He turned to the first man and asked, “What do you do for a living?”

    “I’m a cop,” the first man said.

    “Then we will shoot your penis off!” declared the Sheik.

    Next, he turned to the second man. “And you?”

    “I’m a fireman.”

    “Then we will burn your penis off!”

    Finally, the Sheik turned to the third man. “And what do you do for a living?”

    The third man grinned and said, “I’m a lollipop salesman.”

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  • Princess No More: An Alliance in Love

    My last girlfriend demanded to be treated as a princess.
    Boy was she mad when I married her off to secure an alliance with France.

  • How is your mother-in-law?

    I went to get a haircut the other day, and the barber kept asking me the same question over and over. As he’s cutting my hair, he says, “So, how’s your mother-in-law doing?”

    I shrugged and said, “She’s fine.”

    Five minutes later, he asks again, “So, how’s your mother-in-law?”

    Now I’m getting annoyed, but I answer, “I told you, she’s fine.”

    A few minutes after that, he asks yet again, “So, how is your mother-in-law doing?”

    I finally snap: “Dude, I already told you twice—she’s fine! Why do you keep asking about my mother-in-law?”

    He chuckles and says, “Oh, don’t worry, it’s not because I actually care. Every time I mention your mother-in-law, your hair stands straight up… and it makes it a lot easier for me to cut it!”

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  • Trycocksagain: A New Hope for Lesbians

    The FDA just approved a medication for lesbians with depression.
    It’s called Trycocksagain.

  • How’d you get the black eye?

    Two men are sitting next to each other on a train, both sporting black eyes. Naturally curious, the first man looks at the other and says, “So, how’d you get the black eye?”
    The other man replies, “Well, it was a Freudian slip.”
    “What’s that?” the first asks.
    “It’s when you mean to say one thing, but you accidentally say another that reveals what you’re really thinking,” explains the second.
    The first man nods. “Oh. So what happened?”
    “Well,” says the second, “I was buying my ticket for the train, and the woman at the counter had the biggest boobs I’d ever seen. So when I meant to say ‘two tickets to Pittsburgh,’ I accidentally said ‘two pickets to Tittsburgh’—hence the black eye.”
    The first guy laughs and says, “That’s funny, something similar happened to me. This morning, I was eating breakfast with my wife, and I meant to say ‘could you pass the jam,’ but I accidentally said, ‘you ruined my life, you stupid bitch!’”

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  • Gary got beat up

    John runs into his old friend Gary, who looks like he’s been beaten by a thousand fists.
    Now Gary is the nicest guy ever; it’s hard to imagine anyone getting mad at him, let alone beating him so savagely.
    I asked, “What happened?!?!”
    He explained, “Well, I was on the escalator, and the lady in front of me was wearing a pretty skirt, but it had bunched up between her cheeks, so I gently pulled it out. Then she turned around and slapped me.”
    “Wow! Maybe you should have just let it be, but it looks like you got more than just slapped.”
    “I know! I knew I messed up, and I felt bad, so when she turned around, I started poking it back in…”

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  • From Chicken to Commitment: A Love Story

    Five years ago I started a game of Gay Chicken with my friend.
    Now we own a dog together, we moved to Vermont to start a cute little bed and breakfast, and we’re thinking of adopting a kid. If he doesn’t give up soon, I think he might actually be gay.

  • Cheese Wheel Tragedy: A Wedding Day Disaster

    A wedding photographer was today tragically crushed by a 200lb wheel of cheese that fell off the catering truck.
    The guests all tried to warn him.

  • A Weighty Memory: Words That Stick

    Tell your wife she looks great 100 times and she won’t remember. Tell her once that she needs to lose weight and she’ll remember forever.
    Because an elephant never forgets.