Format: narrative

Narrative comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Trying to sell a dog

    A guy walks into a bar with a sad look on his face.

    A regular sees him and says “Hey guy, you doing alright?”

    “I’m doing terrible” the guys says “I’m having money troubles and the only option I got left is to sell my beloved dog. So, I’m just traveling around town asking if anyone wants to buy him off me. He’s in the car now.”

    “I’m sorry to hear that” says the regular, “what are you asking for him?”

    “500 dollars” the man says.

    “Whoa that’s a lot of money for a dog” the regular says

    “Well, it’s like that dog is a part of my family. He’s the gentlest, sweetest dog you’ve ever seen. He never barks, unless there is an intruder, in which case he turns into the meanest SOB that ever lived. When he needs to go, he’ll just nudge your leg once or twice and then sit by the door and wait till you’re ready to let him out. My kids and wife love him, and are going to hate me for selling him, but I don’t have any other options.”

    The regular says “well jeez, guy. If the dog is that good, I’ll take him. I’d be happy to help you out”

    A year later the man walks into the bar again.

    This time the regular is there again, but he screams “YOU! YOU SOLD ME THAT GOOD FOR NOTHIN’ SON OF A BITCH DOG. That dog does nothing but shit all over the house. He barks constantly, and tries to bite my wife and kids every chance he gets. I swear to god the day I bought that dog was the last good day I’ve had!”

    The man looks at the regular, smiles, and says “Mister… you’re never ever gonna sell that dog if you keep talking about him like that”

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  • From Despair to Hope: A Healing Shift

    I woke up this morning and I felt so bad that I tried to kill myself by taking a thousand aspirin.

    But after the first two, I felt better.

  • Gym Woes: Broken Machines and No Treats!

    I went to the gym the other day and my favorite machine was broken.

    I couldn’t get any chocolate or Coke or anything.

  • Mother-in-Law Showdown: Whose Is Nicer?

    My wife accused me of liking my relatives more than hers. I told her that was absolutely not true.

    I thought her mother-in-law was much nicer than mine.

  • Spraying Memories: A Job for Two Bucks

    Once long ago I got a job hosing women down for wet T-shirt contests. It was $2 an hour.

    It was all I could afford at the time.

  • A man dies in his sleep

    A man comes home extremely drunk, goes straight to bed, and falls asleep.

    That night, he dies in his sleep.

    In the afterlife, an angel greets him and explains what happened. The man is devastated. He tells the angel he still has so much to do in life, regrets drinking so much, and swears that if he’s sent back, he’ll never drink again and will live a healthy life.

    The angel says it’s impossible.

    After a lot of begging, though, the angel says there is one option: he can return to Earth as a chicken.

    The man thinks, “Well, that’s still better than being dead,” and agrees.

    He wakes up on a large farm, surrounded by dozens of chickens. He walks around a bit, eats some feed, and even nods at a few other chickens.

    Suddenly, he feels an intense pressure in his stomach.

    He asks the chicken next to him what’s happening.

    The chicken says, “Relax. It’s just an egg. Push as hard as you can and lay it.”

    So he starts pushing with all his strength. He feels something moving inside him, slowly making its way out…

    Just as it’s about to come out, his wife wakes him up and yells:

    “Wake up, you idiot! You’re shitting the bed!”

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  • Russian Roulette: A Surprising Safety Story

    I interviewed 10,000 thousand people who had played Russian roulette and not a single one of them were harmed from the game.

  • Family Act

    A family walks into a talent agency and says they have an act. The talent agent retorts, “I don’t sign family acts, sorry.” They reply, “Please! You’ve got to see our act.”

    They spring into action. The dad pulls out a coffee table and the mom starts laying out saucers and teacups. The son places chairs around the table while the daughter serves blueberry scones. They proceed to enjoy a mid-morning tea and have polite conversation. They laugh and smile and bond as family.

    When they finish their tea and scones, the agent asks, “What do you call your act?”

    The family replies, “The cocksucking mother fuckers…”

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  • Little Johnny and Cows

    Little Johnny is out riding his bike with his dad through the fields when he sees a bull on top of a cow.

    Johnny: “Dad, what’s that bull doing?”
    Dad: “Well, the sun’s about to set, Johnny, so the bull is just pushing the cow back into the barn.”

    Johnny: “Wow! It’s a good thing Mama held on to the kitchen table yesterday—otherwise the postman would’ve pushed her all the way back to the post office!”

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  • I want puppies!

    A little girl is walking with her grandmother when they see two dogs going at it.

    When she asks what they’re doing, the grandmother sheepishly explains, “Well, they’re making puppies.”

    That night, the girl walks into her parents’ room without knocking and sees her dad on top of her mom.

    She asks what’s going on, and her dad says, “Well, I’m making you a little brother or sister.”

    The girl says, “Flip her over, Dad—I’d rather get puppies!”

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