Format: short

Short comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Einstein and His Driver

    One day, Einstein has to speak at an important science conference.

    On the way there, he tells his driver that looks a bit like him:

    “I’m sick of all these conferences. I always say the same things over and over!”

    The driver agrees: “You’re right. As your driver, I attended all of them, and even though I don’t know anything about science, I could give the conference in your place.”

    “That’s a great idea!” says Einstein. “Let’s switch places then!”

    So they switch clothes and as soon as they arrive, the driver dressed as Einstein goes on stage and starts giving the usual speech, while the real Einstein, dressed as the car driver, attends it.

    But in the crowd, there is one scientist who wants to impress everyone and thinks of a very difficult question to ask Einstein, hoping he won’t be able to respond. So this guy stands up and interrupts the conference by posing his very difficult question. The whole room goes silent, holding their breath, waiting for the response.

    The driver looks at him, dead in the eye, and says:

    “Sir, your question is so easy to answer that I’m going to let my driver reply to it for me.”

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  • The Blonde Learns How to Tell a Joke

    A blonde and a brunette are hanging out. “Can you teach me how to tell a joke?” asks the blonde.

    “People don’t seem to like my jokes,” she continued. “But everyone laughs at yours. How do you come up with such good jokes?”

    “Honestly, I’m not really naturally funny,” said the brunette. “I don’t think up my own jokes. I just take other people’s jokes and say the punchline louder.”

    “Oh…” The blonde thought long and hard for a moment. “Okay, I think I got it. Knock knock!”

    “Um… who’s there?”

    “Louder!”

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  • Bear Hunting

    Bob was excited about his new .338 rifle and decided to try bear hunting. He traveled up to Alaska, spotted a small brown bear and shot it. Soon after there was a tap on his shoulder, and he turned around to see a big black bear.

    The black bear said, “That was a very bad mistake. That bear is my cousin, I’m going to give you two choices. Either I maul you to death or you let me fuck you in the ass.”

    After considering briefly, Bob decided to accept the latter alternative. So the black bear had his way with Bob.

    Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Bob soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip to Alaska where he found the black bear and shot it dead. Right after, there was another tap on his shoulder. This time a huge grizzly bear stood right next to him.

    The grizzly said, “That was a big mistake, Bob. That bear was my cousin and you’ve got two choices — either I maul you to death or you let me fuck you in the ass.”

    Again, Bob thought it was better to cooperate with the grizzly bear than be mauled to death. So the grizzly had his way with Bob.

    Although he survived, it took several months before Bob fully recovered. Now Bob was completely outraged, so he headed back to Alaska and managed to track down the grizzly bear and shot it. He felt sweet revenge, but then moments later, there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to find a giant polar bear standing there.

    The polar bear lets out a huge sigh and says, “Admit it, Bob, you’re not here for the hunting, are you?”

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  • Rented a Tux for Dad

    This guy’s father dies, so he goes to the undertaker and tells him he wants the best of everything for his father. The funeral is absolutely beautiful, and the guy is extremely pleased.

    The next day, the guy gets a bill for $16,085, and he pays it. The next month, he gets another bill for $85. He figures it’s just a little supplementary bill, so he pays that, too.

    Next month, another bill for $85 arrives, so he calls up the undertaker and says, “I keep getting these bills for 85 dollars. I thought I paid for the funeral already.”

    The undertaker says, “Well, you said you wanted the best for your father, so I rented him a tux.”

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  • The Nun and the Golf Game

    A nun walks into Mother Superior’s office and plunks down into a chair. She lets out a sigh heavy with frustration.

    “What troubles you, Sister?” asked the Mother Superior. “I thought this was the day you spent with your family.”

    “It was,” sighed the Sister. “And I went to play golf with my brother. We try to play golf as often as we can. You know I was quite a talented golfer before I devoted my life to Christ.”

    “I seem to recall that,” the Mother Superior agreed. “So I take it your day of recreation was not relaxing?”

    “Far from it,” snorted the Sister. “In fact, I even took the Lord’s name in vain today!”

    “Goodness, Sister!” gasped the Mother Superior, astonished. “You must tell me all about it!”

    “Well, we were on the fifth tee… and this hole is a monster, Mother; a 540 yard Par 5, with a nasty dogleg right and a hidden green… and I hit the drive of my life. I creamed it. The sweetest swing I ever made. And it’s flying straight and true, right along the line I wanted… and it hits a bird in mid-flight!”

    “Oh my!” commiserated the Mother. “How unfortunate! But surely that didn’t make you blaspheme, Sister!”

    “No, that wasn’t it,” admitted Sister. “While I was still trying to fathom what had happened, this squirrel runs out of the woods, grabs my ball and runs off down the fairway!”

    “Oh, that would have made me blaspheme!” sympathized the Mother.

    “But I didn’t, Mother!” sobbed the Sister. “And I was so proud of myself! And while I was pondering whether this was a sign from God, this hawk swoops out of the sky and grabs the squirrel and flies off, with my ball still clutched in his paws!”

    “So that’s when you cursed,” said the Mother with a knowing smile.

    “Nope, that wasn’t it either,” cried the Sister, anguished, “because as the hawk started to fly out of sight, the squirrel started struggling, and the hawk dropped him right there on the green, and the ball popped out of his paws and rolled to about 18 inches from the cup!”

    Mother Superior sat back in her chair, folded her arms across her chest, fixed the Sister with a baleful stare and said…

    “You missed the fucking putt, didn’t you?”

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  • The Pope at the Gates of Heaven

    The Pope dies and stands before the Gates of Heaven…

    He knocks and St. Peter opens the Gate.

    St. Peter: “Yes? How can I help you?”

    Pope: “I want to speak with God.”

    St. Peter: “And you are?”

    Pope, frustrated: “I’m the Pope!”

    St. Peter: “Doesn’t ring a bell.”

    Pope, very angry: “I DEMAND TO SPEAK WITH GOD!”

    St. Peter closes the Gate and goes to God.

    St. Peter: “My Lord, there is someone who wants to talk with you.”

    God: “Who?”

    St. Peter: “He calls himself the Pope.”

    God: “Who is that supposed to be?”

    St. Peter: “I don’t know, what should we do with him?”

    God: “Let Jesus talk with him, he spent some time down there.”

    Jesus goes to the Pope.

    A few minutes later Jesus returns laughing like there is no tomorrow.

    God: “What’s so funny, Jesus?”

    Jesus: “Father, you won’t believe this — that fishing club I founded 2,000 years ago, it still exists!”

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  • The Gynecologist Mechanic

    A gynecologist had grown tired of malpractice insurance, paperwork, and burnout.

    Hoping to start a new career where skilled hands would still be useful, he decided to become a mechanic.

    He enrolled in evening classes at a local technical college, studied diligently, and learned everything he could.

    When the practical exam finally arrived, he prepared carefully and completed it with tremendous skill.

    A few days later, he received his results and was shocked to discover he had scored 150%.

    Assuming there had been some kind of mistake, he called the instructor.

    “I don’t mean to sound ungrateful,” he said, “but I think there may be an error in my score.”

    The instructor replied, “During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly. That earned you 50%.”

    “You then put the engine back together perfectly. That earned you the other 50%.”

    After a brief pause, the instructor added:

    “I gave you an extra 50% because you did the whole thing through the exhaust pipe, and I’ve never seen that done before.”

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  • The Blonde and the Gun

    This blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her. She goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and, sure enough, she opens the door to find him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is angry.

    She opens her purse, takes out the gun but, as she does, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and points it to her head.

    The boyfriend yells, “No, honey, don’t do it.”

    The blonde replies, “Shut up, you’re next.”

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  • Jose at the Ballgame

    A young Mexican man named Jose was curious about America so he snuck across the border.

    He wanted to go see a baseball game so when he went home, he could tell his family all about it. When he got there, the game was sold out, so he decided to climb to the top of a flag pole to get a better look. When he returned home, his family was anxious to hear about his experience:

    “What happened?” asked his family.

    “Well, America is the nicest place in the world!!” he said. “Before the game started, all the people in the stands and all the players stood up, looked at me and said, ‘Jose, can you see?’”

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  • How to Wave a Blanket

    An old Australian farmer marries the beautiful twenty-year-old daughter of a neighbouring farmer. After a week or two of regular sex, the farmer can’t seem to make the young woman climax. There is no doctor in the nearby town so he goes to visit the veterinarian and explains the situation.

    The vet thinks for a little while and then says, “While I am not a human doctor, when farmers can’t get their cows excited for the bull, it’s usually on a very hot day like it is now. The farmer will wave a large blanket over the cow, which seems to get her into the mood.”

    The old farmer thinks for a while and decides to hire a young man from the town to wave the blanket while he makes love to his beautiful young wife.

    The young man dutifully waves the blanket over the copulating couple but after about ten minutes she remains unimpressed.

    Perturbed by now, the old farmer says to the young man, “Let’s swap places and see what happens.” The farmer then starts waving the blanket vigorously and soon his beautiful young wife begins to climax numerous times.

    The old man drops the blanket and proudly yells, “That, my boy, is how you wave a fuckin’ blanket.”

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