Format: short

Short comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Baaaaaaa

    Bubba pulled over the car by the side of the road and showed Brian where he’d first had sex.

    “It was right down there by that tree. I remember the day plainly. It was a warm summer day. She and I were so much in love. We walked down to the tree and made love for hours,” Bubba recalled.

    “That sounds wonderful,” said Brian.

    “Yes. It was ok until I looked up and noticed her mother was standing right there watching us.”

    “Oh my God!!! What did her mother say when she saw you making love to her daughter?”

    “Baaaaaaa.”

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  • A Good Sheepll Do That

    Well, a couple months back there was this trial in the West Virginia courts. A man was being tried for fornicating with a sheep, since that’s illegal an’ all. Anyway, the key witness was an old fella who was walking along the highway by the farm where the sheep was raised.

    The prosecutor asked the witness what he saw: “Well, I was walkin’ along, and saw this sheep just’a eatin’ grass. And then this fella walks up from behind the sheep, real quiet-like.”

    “And then what?” asked the prosecutor.

    “Then he unbuckled his belt, and pulled the sheep close.”

    “And what happened after that?”

    “Well,” said the witness, “they sorta shook for a couple of minutes. THEN, afterwards, the sheep turned around… an’ licked him!”

    Just then one of the members of the jury leaned over to the jury member next to him and said, “You know… a good sheep’ll do that.”

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  • Whats That Noise

    A Mid-Westerner walks into a hardware store and asks for a chain saw that will cut 6 trees in one hour. The salesman recommends the top of the line model. The Mid-Westerner is suitably impressed, and buys it.

    The next day he brings it back and says, “This chainsaw is defective. It would only cut down 1 tree and it took ALL DAMN DAY!”

    The salesman takes the chain saw, starts it up to see what’s wrong, and the Mid-Westerner says, “What’s that noise?”

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  • Hey Yall Hold My Beer and Watch This

    The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged they had covertly funded a project with the U.S. auto maker for the past five years, whereby the auto makers were installing black boxes in four-wheel drive pick-up trucks in an effort to determine, in fatal accidents, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash.

    They were surprised to find in 49 of the 50 states the last words of drivers in 61.2 percent of fatal crashes were, “Oh, S—!”

    Only the state of Alabama was different, where 89.3 percent of the final words were, “Hey Y’all, hold my beer and watch this!”

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  • Arkansas Vasectomy

    After having their 10th child, an Arkansas couple decided that that was enough. So the husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife didn’t want to have any more children. The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem. The doctor told the man that he was to go home, get a cherry bomb, put it in a can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.

    The Arky said to the doctor, “I may not be the smartest man, but I don’t see how putting a cherry bomb in a can next to my ear is going to help me.”

    So the couple drove to Missouri to get a second opinion. The doctor was just about to tell them about the procedure for a vasectomy when he noticed they were from Arkansas. This doctor also told the man to go home and get a cherry bomb, place it in a tin can, hold it next to his ear and count to 10.

    Figuring that both doctors couldn’t be wrong, the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count, “1, 2, 3, 4, 5…” at which point he paused, placed the can between his legs and resumed counting on his other hand.

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  • Taken the Edge Off My Appetite

    A woman asks her husband if he’d like some breakfast.

    “Bacon, eggs, perhaps some toast? Maybe a nice sectioned grapefruit and a cup of fresh coffee.”

    He declines, “It’s the Viagra,” he says, “it’s really taken the edge off my appetite.”

    At lunch time she asks if he would like something. “A bowl of homemade soup, maybe with a cheese sandwich? Or how about a plate of snacks and a glass of milk?”

    Again he declines. “No thanks. It’s the Viagra,” he says, “It’s really taken the edge off my appetite.”

    At dinner time, she asks if he wants anything to eat, offering to go to the cafe and buy him a super burger. “Or would you rather I make you a pizza from scratch? Or how about a tasty stir fry? That’ll only take a couple of minutes…?”

    Once more he declines, “Again, thanks, but it’s the Viagra. It’s really taken the edge off my appetite.”

    “Well then,” she replies, “Would you mind getting off me? I’m fucking STARVING!”

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  • $600 a Week and a Third Interest in the Pharmacy

    One day a young man went to a pharmacy and asked the little old lady behind the counter if he could speak with the pharmacist.

    “I am the pharmacist,” she informed him.

    “Oh, in that case forget it,” he replied and started to leave.

    “Young man,” the lady said to him, “My sister and I have been pharmacists for forty years and there is nothing we haven’t heard, so what is your problem?”

    “Well,” the young man said reluctantly, “I have a problem with erections. Once I get hard, it won’t go down for hours and hours, no matter how much I masturbate or how many times I have intercourse! Please, can you give me something for it?”

    “I’ll have to go in the back and talk to my sister,” she informed him. About ten minutes later she came back.

    “Young man, I have consulted with my sister and the best we can give you is $600 a week and a third interest in the pharmacy.”

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  • Which Feels Better Your Ear or Your Finger

    A man and a woman were having drinks, getting to know one another and started bantering back and forth about male/female issues. They talked about who was better in certain sports, who were the better entertainers, etc. The flirting continued for more than an hour when the topic of sex came up. So they got into an argument about who enjoyed sex more.

    The man said, “Men obviously enjoy sex more than women. Why do you think we’re so obsessed with getting laid?” He then went on for several hours arguing his point, even going so far as to ask other men in the bar for their opinions. The woman listened quietly until the man was finished making his point. Confident in the strength of his argument, the man awaited her response.

    “That doesn’t prove anything,” the woman countered. “Think about this — when your ear itches and you put your little finger in it and wiggle it around, then pull it out, which feels better — your ear or your finger?”

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  • One at a Time Boys

    During a wild party at a Long Island country house, Roxanne had too much to drink and strolled outside for some air. Getting to a grassy field, she lay down to watch the stars. Roxanne was almost asleep when a cow, searching for clover, carefully stepped over her.

    Groggily, she raised her head and said, “One at a time, boys…..one at a time.”

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  • Wouldnt I Wooden Eye

    There was a seaman who had a wooden eye because he was a tight mean bastard who refused to pay for a professionally made eyeball. However he was very sensitive about people making fun of his eyeball. One night after being at sea for several months and being tight with money, he thought he would try his luck at the local pubs for some pussy instead of going with the other guys to proposition some of the local prostitutes.

    He struck pay dirt by meeting a lady with the most marvelous figure. However, instead of her mouth going across her face, it went vertically straight up and down. On arriving back at the woman’s place and making small talk, the lady said she would like him to leave as she wanted her sleep.

    This got the seaman angry as he wanted some pussy and told her she wouldn’t have been any good in bed anyway. She yelled “WOULDN’T I” and the seaman thought she had said wooden eye, and being very sensitive about his eye he retorted “WHO ARE YOU CALLING WOODEN EYE CUNT FACE”.

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