Format: short

Short comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Love Without Limits: A Unique Proposal!

    A woman puts an ad in the newspaper looking for a lover.

    She’s looking for a man who won’t hit her, won’t run away, and must be able to satisfy her in the bedroom.

    The next day, the doorbell rings. She opens the door to find a man with no arms or legs.

    The guy says, “I’m here to answer your ad looking for a lover.”

    She says, “How can you possibly qualify? You don’t have arms or legs.”

    He says, “Exactly. I have no arms, so I can’t hit you. And I have no legs, so I can’t run away.”

    The lady ponders for a few seconds and says, “Good points…but what about satisfying me in the bedroom?”

    And the guy says, “How do you think I rang the doorbell?”

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  • Drunk Logic: The $20 Clean-Up Plan!

    A man had been drinking at a bar all night and puked down the front of his shirt.

    “Shit, I can’t go home like this. My wife will kill me.”

    The bartender sees this and says, “Put a $20 bill in your pocket, and when she sees the puke, tell her some drunk puked on you and gave you $20 for dry cleaning.”

    So the guy goes home, and his wife sees the puke on his shirt and asks what happened. He replies, “A drunk guy puked on me, and he gave me $20 to pay for dry cleaning.”

    His wife says, “Okay, well then why do you have $40 in your hand?”

    “Because he also shit in my pants.”

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  • Buzz Off: A Businessman’s Bee Dilemma!

    A businessman wants to buy a farmhouse.

    After discussing the price and coming to common ground on the terms, they shake hands, and the property is practically sold.

    As they do a final walkthrough of the land, the businessman notices a beehive on the property and says, “Please, this needs to be removed—or take them with you. They could sting; it’s dangerous.”

    The farmer answers, “They’ve never stung me once since they’ve been here. I’ve never had any problems with them. I understand that you’re afraid, though, so let’s do it like this: I’ll tie you to this tree right here and leave you here butt naked overnight. If any bee stings you, I’ll give you my property for free.”

    They agree on those terms and shake hands again.

    The next morning, the farmer checks on the businessman and finds him all dried up, skinny, pale, eyes rolled back, and barely holding himself up.

    The farmer is shocked at the sight and says, “I want to apologize. This was a terrible idea. They never stung me or anyone who ever came by. Tell me, how many stung you?”

    The businessman, barely speaking, says, “None… but tell me, does that calf of yours not have a mother?”

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  • Circle of Life, Hospital Edition

  • Dorm Dilemma: The Cost of Curiosity

    On the first day of college, the dean is making his initial address to the incoming student body and going over some of the rules.

    “The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory is out-of-bounds for all female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this rule a second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you $180. Are there any questions?”

    “Yeah,” says a guy in the back. “How much for a season pass?”

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  • Anatomy Class: A Taste for the Unusual

    Some first-year medical students were attending their first anatomy class.

    They gathered around a table where a real dead body had been placed for study. The professor began by telling them that every good doctor must have two important qualities.

    “The first,” he said, “is that a doctor must never be disgusted by anything in the human body.”

    To demonstrate, he inserted his finger into the dead body’s anus, then put the finger in his mouth and tasted it. He then asked the students to repeat what he had done.

    The students were shocked and hesitated for several minutes, but eventually, one by one, they did the same thing. Each of them inserted a finger into the body’s anus and then tasted it.

    When everyone had finished, they stood there frowning and looking uncomfortable.

    The professor looked at them and smiled. “The second most important quality of a doctor,” he said, “is observation.”

    “I inserted my middle finger,” he continued, “but I tasted my index finger.”

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  • Zipped Up and Trucked Down!

    I forgot to zip my pants today, so a lady politely told me, “Sir, your garage is open.”

    I zipped them up and asked, “Did you see my monster truck parked inside?”

    The lady smiled and said, “No, just one small Toyota with two flat tires…”

    I’m still crying.

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  • Sell Drugs or Sell Logic: The Choice!

    Two drug dealers are given a chance by a judge to avoid prison…

    ​The judge tells them, “You guys don’t look like hardened criminals. I’ll give you a deal: I’m releasing you for 24 hours. Your job is to go out and convince as many people as possible to quit using drugs. If you’re successful, I’ll drop the charges. Come back tomorrow and report your numbers.”

    The next day, the first guy says, “Your Honor, I got 14 people to quit! I drew two circles: a big one and a tiny one. I told them the big one was their brain before drugs, and the tiny one was their brain after drugs.”

    The judge is impressed. He turns to the second guy. “And you?”

    “I got 165 people to quit, sir!”

    The judge is stunned. “165?! Did you use the same ‘brain’ circles?”

    “Sort of,” the guy says. “I pointed to the tiny circle and said, ‘Listen up, boys… this is what your asshole looks like before you go to prison.’”

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  • Couple’s Canned Conundrum in Court!

    An elderly couple stands before a judge.

    “Did you steal the can of peaches, ma’am?”

    “Yes, I did, your honor,” she replies.

    “How many peaches were in the can?”

    “Four, your honor.”

    “Then I sentence you to four days in jail. Anything else?”

    “Yes, your honor,” says her husband. “She stole a can of peas too.”

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  • Captain’s Secret Weapon: The Red Vest!

    A merchant ship filled with gold is sailing in the Caribbean when the lookout in the crow’s nest suddenly cries out, “Pirate ship off the starboard bow!” The captain immediately orders, “Hoist the sails! Man the cannons! And bring me my red vest.”

    A fierce battle follows, and the pirates are driven off.

    The next day, the lookout calls again, “Pirate ship off the port bow!”

    Without hesitation, the captain shouts, “Hoist the sails! Man the cannons! And bring me my red vest.”

    Once more, the pirates are defeated.

    Two days later, the lookout bellows, “Pirate ship dead ahead!”

    The captain remains calm. “Hoist the sails! Man the cannons! And bring me my red vest.”

    Again, the pirates are beaten back.

    After the fight, the first mate approaches the captain. “Begging your pardon, sir, but why do you always ask for your red vest when we’re under attack?” The captain replies, “So that if I am wounded in battle, the crew will not see my blood and lose heart.”

    Three days later, the lookout’s voice rings out in alarm: “Three pirate ships off the starboard bow, the port bow, and dead ahead!”

    The captain turns to his first mate and says, “Hoist the sails! Man the cannons! And bring me my brown trousers.”

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