My GrandDad’s last words before he bought the farm:
”Now we’re gonna have to get some cows and chickens.”
Joke Type: anecdotal
Anecdotal jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.
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Little Johnny refused to study math
Little Johnny refused to study math so his parents decided to put him in Catholic school and let the nuns fix the situation. Sure enough, Johnny came home after her very first day and went straight to his room to work on his math homework. Right after dinner, he went back to his room to study math, right up to bedtime. And even after bedtime, his parents found him working on math problems with a flashlight under his blanket.
The next morning, while Johnny was working on math problems over breakfast, his baffled parents asked him why his new school had changed his attitude towards math so quickly. He answered with a terrified whisper:
“When the nuns took us to chapel, I saw the guy they nailed to the plus sign…. I knew they weren’t joking around.”
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Changing a flat tire
A guy’s on the side of the highway changing a flat.
A patrol car pulls up. The officer steps out and says, “Sir, we received a report of an emergency…”Before he can finish, another cruiser comes flying up from behind, speeding in the same direction. It slams on the brakes and skids in behind the first car. The second officer jumps out, a little out of breath. He takes one look around and says, “Oh… I thought…”
Suddenly, from the opposite side of the highway, a third cruiser whips a U-turn across the median, sirens blaring, and screeches to a stop.
The third officer jumps out and runs up. “Are there any left?”
The first two silently point at the spare tire. The third officer squints at it.
“We really need better descriptions from dispatch, this is not what I would call a donut emergency”
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Man goes to the dermatologist with a strange skin condition
A man visits his dermatologist because his skin has become strangely pink and rubbery, like a ham. It’s like this all over his body.
The doctor asks him if he has any clue what could have caused this change, and the man admits that he recently tried out a hygiene tip he read about online: rubbing salt all over himself and sleeping while covered in it.
The man says “Surely there’s some way to fix this before it gets any worse?”
The doctor just says “You’re already cured.”
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From Despair to Hope: A Healing Shift
I woke up this morning and I felt so bad that I tried to kill myself by taking a thousand aspirin.
But after the first two, I felt better.
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Gym Woes: Broken Machines and No Treats!
I went to the gym the other day and my favorite machine was broken.
I couldn’t get any chocolate or Coke or anything.
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Mother-in-Law Showdown: Whose Is Nicer?
My wife accused me of liking my relatives more than hers. I told her that was absolutely not true.
I thought her mother-in-law was much nicer than mine.
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Spraying Memories: A Job for Two Bucks
Once long ago I got a job hosing women down for wet T-shirt contests. It was $2 an hour.
It was all I could afford at the time.
