The worst part about being Medusa wouldn’t be turning people to stone on sight, but rather the unavoidable bad-hair days when one of your snakes is digesting a rat.
Joke Type: comparative
Comparative jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.
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Don’t let Kevin Bacon die
Ever since Johnny Cash died, we’ve had no cash. Ever since Steve Jobs died, we’ve had no jobs. Please God, don’t let Kevin Bacon die.
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Tiger Woods can drive a golf ball
What’s the difference between a golf ball and a Land Rover?
Tiger Woods can drive a golf ball over 300 yards.
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He ripped me off
You know that guy who made the movie “Super Size Me,” in which he gained 31 pounds after eating nothing but McDonald’s food for an entire month? That dude totally ripped me off. I did it first, except he filmed it or something.
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If your patio cushions were getting wet
I bet those thunderstorm relaxation CDs wouldn’t be as restful if you actually lived deep in the rainforest and had to constantly fight off the urge to get up and check if your patio furniture cushions were getting wet.
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At least she’ll never be hungry
I bet if an eagle’s daughter ever flew off with a buzzard, the eagle would react nobly and think, “Well, at least she’ll never be hungry.”
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Under a buck
What’s the difference between a beer nut and a deer nut?
A bowl of beer nuts is about $1.80, but you can always find a deer nut under a buck. -
Harvard Sweatshirts and Embarrassing Checkups!
Some questions are better left unasked.
A girl goes into the doctor’s office for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, the doctor notices a red “H” on her chest.
“How did you get that mark on your chest?” asks the doctor.
“Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard, and he’s so proud of it he never takes off his Harvard sweatshirt, even when we make love,” she replies.
A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a blue “Y” on her chest.
“How did you get that mark on your chest?” the doctor asks.
“Oh, my boyfriend went to Yale, and he’s so proud of it that he never takes off his Yale sweatshirt, even when we make love,” she replies.
A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a green “M” on her chest.
“Do you have a boyfriend at Michigan?” asks the doctor.
She replies, “No, but I have a girlfriend at Wisconsin.”
“Why do you ask?”
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Comparing apples to oranges
Steve Jobs would have made a better president than Donald Trump…
But that’s comparing apples to oranges.
