How do you make a dead baby float?
One can of root beer, one scoop of vanilla, and two scoops of dead baby.
Joke Type: dark humor
Dark humor jokes, grim punchlines, and comedy from the questionable end of the emotional buffet from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.
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Twice the Trouble: A Wish Gone Wrong
A man meets a genie who grants him three wishes, but warns him: whatever he asks for, his ex-wife gets twice as much.
“Well,” says the man, “for my first wish, beat me half to death.”
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Respectful Farewell or Evidence Elimination?
So when they burn a body at the crematorium, it’s “a respectful farewell to the departed.”
But when I do it, it’s “destroying evidence.”
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Three men on death row
There were three men on death row: a German, an Italian, and an Irishman.
The warden gave them a choice of how they wanted to die:
• Be shot
• Be hanged
• Be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow, painful deathThe German stepped up first.
“Shoot me right in the head.”Boom. Instant.
The Italian went next.
“Just hang me.”Snap. Done.
Then it was the Irishman’s turn.
“I’ll take some of that AIDS stuff.”
They gave him the injection.
He collapsed on the floor… laughing.
The guards looked at each other. What was wrong with this guy?
Through tears of laughter he said, “Give me another one of those shots!”
They shrugged and gave him another.
Now he’s howling, doubled over, can barely breathe from laughing.
Finally, the warden snapped, “What is wrong with you?!”
The Irishman wheezed, “You idiots… I’m wearing a condom!”
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Surprise Countdown: The Ultimate Plot Twist!
If I ever blow up a building, I’m going to wire the bomb so that it goes off with 10 seconds still showing on the timer.
Won’t that guy with the wire cutters be surprised!
