Double Entendre Jokes, Memes & Dark Humor

The thing I like best about being a professional carpet layer is

The thing I like best about being a professional carpet layer is when some housewife naively asks me to make sure that the carpet matches the drapes.

“You have nothing to lose but inches!” certainly worked better

“You have nothing to lose but inches!” certainly worked better with girdle sales than it does with penis enhancement products.

I wish my blind date hadn’t told me he was a poultry farmer,

I wish my blind date hadn’t told me he was a poultry farmer, because now I feel compelled to keep checking out his cock.

I gave a presentation today in front of 50 people and ended up

I gave a presentation today in front of 50 people and ended up doing a power puke into the garbage can next to the podium. I was later reprimanded by my boss, who told me a real woman would have swallowed.

The good thing about my job in Staffing is that when I hire

The good thing about my job in Staffing is that when I hire people to fuck me, I can ask to re-interview them over and over.

I didn’t mean to give the old man a heart attack, but I could’ve

I didn’t mean to give the old man a heart attack, but I could’ve sworn he screamed at me to get off ON his lawn.

I enjoy orgasms. So sue me. No, really — sue me, I haven’t

Sometimes a girl just needs to hear those three little words:

Sometimes a girl just needs to hear those three little words: “I’d hit that.”

I lost a bundle wagering on porn the other day. Take my advice

I lost a bundle wagering on porn the other day. Take my advice and don’t bet against the spread.

My boyfriend’s diabetes is so bad that when I dressed as Candy

My boyfriend’s diabetes is so bad that when I dressed as Candy the Stripper for Halloween, he refused to eat me.

Joke Type: double entendre