Joke Type: story joke

Story joke jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

  • Cindy the Witch

    A guy goes to a whorehouse, feeling extremely horny. He’s willing to pay big money. The madame realizes that all her girls are currently occupied, but she doesn’t want to lose out on the cash. So she gets an idea.

    She puts a blow-up doll in a darkened room. Then she goes back to the guy and says, “You can have Cindy. She’s very shy and doesn’t speak or react, and she likes to do it with the lights off. But you can do anything you want with her, she won’t complain.”

    The guy pays his money and goes up to the room.

    Ten minutes later he runs back down, naked, screaming, “Cindy’s a witch! Cindy’s a witch!”

    “What’s wrong?” asks the madame.

    “Well, you told me I could do what I like with Cindy, so I thought I’d try some rough stuff!”

    “What happened?”

    “I bit her tit and she flew out the window!”

  • Wait for the Bulb to Cool Off

    Wait for the Bulb to Cool Off

    My girlfriend and I had sex a couple of days ago. She looked at me and said, “Turn the light off and stick it in my butt”. I guess I should have waited for the bulb to cool off first.

  • Everything Is Big in Texas

    A blind man visits Texas. When he gets to his hotel room, he feels the bed. “Wow, this bed is big!”

    “Everything is big in Texas,” says the bellhop.

    The man heads downstairs to the bar, settles into a huge barstool and orders a beer. A mug is placed between his hands. “Wow, these drinks are big!”

    The bartender replies, “Everything is big in Texas.”

    After downing a few, the blind man asks where the bathroom is. “Second door to the right,” says the bartender.

    The blind man heads for the bathroom but accidentally enters the third door, which leads to the swimming pool, and he falls in. Popping his head up from under the water and flailing his arms, he shouts, “Don’t flush! Don’t flush!”

  • The Vegas Prostitute

    A man is walking the Las Vegas strip and runs into the most beautiful woman he has ever met. He starts talking to her, and to his luck, he finds out she is a prostitute. So he asks her,

    “How much for a hand job?”

    “$5,000,” she replies.

    “$5,000?? You must be nuts, no way.”

    “Walk with me,” she replies. He agrees and they walk for a moment, ending up in front of a restaurant. “You see this restaurant? I own this restaurant because men pay me $5,000 for hand jobs.”

    He ponders for a moment. “Damn, they must be pretty good then. Alright.” He brings her back to his hotel room, gets the hand job, and as advertised — it is the best hand job he has ever had. After he finishes, he realizes how perfect she is and asks, “Okay, that was awesome. How much for a blow job?”

    “$15,000,” she replies.

    “$15,000?!? You are out of your mind. No way!” he shouts.

    “Come to the window.” They walk to the window and she begins to point. “You see those three casinos? I own those casinos because men pay me $15,000 for blow jobs.”

    “Fine, how can I say no?”

    Once again, it is the best blow job of his life. He is writhing in ecstasy after finishing, and practically in love with this woman. “Okay, I am gonna regret this. How much for the pussy?”

    “Come to the window.” He follows her to the window, ready for anything. “Do you see all of Las Vegas?” she asks.

    “No way! You own all of Las Vegas?!” he exclaims, astounded.

    “No…” she looks down. “But I would if I had a pussy…”

  • The Gynaecologist

    A beautiful, sassy lady got into a compartment where three men were seated. They were staring at her. She said if they gave one dollar each, she would show her legs.

    Immediately, three dollars fell onto her lap.

    She lifted her dress to her knees. Indeed, the legs were nice.

    Then she said, “Five dollars each, I’ll show my thighs.” Came fifteen dollars, and she lifted her dress high up till her panties.

    Then the bomb came.

    “Thirty dollars each, I will show where my gynaecologist operated on me.”

    Salivating, the three men gave the money.

    A station was nearing and the train slowed down. She showed the hospital next to the station — “This is where my gynaecologist operated on me” — and got off the train.

  • The Egg Timer

    This morning, my wife was in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast. As I walked in, she turned to me and said, “You’ve got to make love to me this very moment!” My eyes lit up and I thought, “This is my lucky day!”

    Not wanting to lose the moment, I didn’t waste any time at all — I gave her a banging right on the kitchen table!

    Afterwards she said, “Thanks,” and returned to the stove.

    More than a little puzzled, I asked, “What was that all about?”

    She giggled, “The egg timer’s broken.”

  • The Donkey Clock

    An American man visiting Mexico finds his wristwatch has stopped working. He’s got a flight to catch in a few hours, so he tries to ask a local the time but doesn’t know the language. Finally he meets an old Mexican man sitting next to a donkey who speaks English. “Excuse me, Señor, but do you know the time?” the American asks.

    The old man reaches up and grabs the donkey’s balls. He twists them to the left, then he moves them to the right, then he lifts them up. “Sí, Señor, it’s 2:20,” he replies.

    The American stands there for a moment, flabbergasted. Then he replies, “Gracias, Señor,” and walks away pondering what he just witnessed.

    A short time passes and the American wants to see the old man’s trick again, so he asks him the time. The old man again grabs the donkey’s balls — he twists them left, then moves them right, then lifts them up. “It’s 2:45,” the old man replies.

    “How in the hell are you doing that? How do you tell the time with donkey balls?” says the American.

    The old man replies, “You see, Señor, I twist them left, I turn them right, then I lift them so I can see that clock over there.”

  • Show Him Your Badge

    A DEA officer stopped at our farm yesterday.

    “I need to inspect your farm for illegally grown drugs,” he said.

    I replied, “Okay, but don’t go in that field over there.”

    The DEA officer exploded. “Mister, I have the authority of the federal government with me!”

    Reaching into his back pocket, he pulled out his badge and shoved it in my face.

    “See this fucking badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish, on any land. No questions asked, no answers given! Do I make myself clear? Do you understand?”

    I nodded politely, apologized, and went back to my chores.

    A short time later, I heard loud screams. I looked up and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by my big old mean bull.

    With every step, the bull was gaining ground, and it looked like the officer would get gored before he made it to safety.

    So I threw down my tools, ran to the fence, and shouted at the top of my lungs:

    “Your badge! Show him your fucking badge!”

  • Wife Gave Birth – How Soon Can We Have Sex? I’m Off Duty in Ten Minutes

    Wife Gave Birth – How Soon Can We Have Sex? I’m Off Duty in Ten Minutes

    My wife just gave birth today and after thanking the doctor, I pulled him aside and sheepishly asked, “How soon do you think we’ll be able to have sex?”

    He winked at me and said, “I’m off duty in ten minutes, meet me in the car park.”

  • The Backdoor

    I was banging this hot chick on her kitchen table when we heard the front door open.

    She said, “It’s my husband! Quick, try the backdoor!”

    Thinking back, I really should have run, but you don’t get offers like that every day.