Sensitivity: Uncensored

Uncensored humor, jokes, memes, and questionable punchlines from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • A Woman On The Train

    A man is sitting on the train when a woman sits across from him. He cannot avoid the fact that she’s gorgeous, and as he’s checking her out, he notices she’s wearing a skirt but no underwear. She catches him, and he quickly looks away, embarrassed.

    She calms him, tells him it wasn’t a big deal, and they start chatting as the train leaves the station.

    As they travel together, she tells him that her vagina can do tricks.

    “No way,” he says.

    “Yes way,” she says. “Look, I’m gonna make my vagina wink at you.” She proceeds to make it move, which leaves him impressed.

    “That was awesome!” he says.

    “Now look as it throws you a kiss,” and soon enough she makes it blow a kiss.

    “Fantastic!” he exclaims. At this point, she is visibly aroused.

    “Say, you wanna stick your fingers in there?” she asks.

    “You’re kidding, right? IT CAN WHISTLE TOO?!”

  • The Huge Fish

    A priest hooks a huge fish. Helping him reel it in, a sailor says, “Whoa, look at the size of that fucker!”

    “Hey, mind your language!” says the priest.

    Embarrassed, the sailor says, “Sorry, Father, but that’s what this fish is called. It’s a Fucker fish.” Accepting the explanation, the priest takes the fish back to church.

    “Look at this huge fucker,” says the priest, spotting the bishop.

    The bishop cleans the fish and brings it to the mother superior. “Could you cook this fucker for dinner tonight?”

    The mother superior says, “Wonderful, I’ll cook that fucker tonight. The Pope is coming for dinner!”

    The fish tastes great, and the Pope asks where they got it.

    “Well, I caught the fucker!” says the priest.

    “And I cleaned the fucker!” says the bishop.

    “And I cooked the fucker!” says the mother superior.

    The Pope stares at them, leans back, takes off his cap, puts his feet up on the table, pours himself a whiskey, and says, “You know what? You cunts are alright.”

  • Three Women At The Gynecologist

    Three women were in the waiting room of a gynecologist, and each of them was knitting a sweater for their baby-to-be. The first one stopped and took a pill.

    “What was that?” the others asked her.

    “Oh, it was Vitamin C. I want my baby to be healthy.”

    A few minutes later, another woman took a pill.

    “What was that?” the others asked.

    “Oh, it was iron. I want my baby to be big and strong.”

    They continued knitting. Finally, the third woman took a pill.

    “What was that?” the others asked her.

    “It was thalidomide,” she said. “I just can’t get the arms right on this fucking sweater!”

  • Three Disappointed Mothers

    Three mothers, a redhead, a brunette, and a blonde, are talking about how disappointed they are in their daughters.

    The redheaded mom says, “I found whiskey in my daughter’s room, and I didn’t even know she drank.”

    The brunette mom says, “I found marijuana in my daughter’s room, and I didn’t even know she did drugs.”

    The blonde mom says, “I found condoms in my daughter’s room, and I didn’t even know she had a dick!”

  • Three Brothers At Clown College

    Three brothers lose their jobs and decide to go to clown college.

    When they get back six months later, their wives are having lunch and talking about their husbands’ new careers.

    The first woman says, “Ever since my husband got back from clown college, he’s been pranking me!” She pulls out a small flower and sets it on the table, where it squirts water at her. She says the worst part is that he honks his stupid red nose every time he pulls a prank.

    The second woman takes out a box of tissues and pulls on one, but the tissues just keep coming and coming. She says her husband also honks that ridiculous red nose every time he pulls a prank.

    They both turn to the third woman and ask, “So, has your husband pranked you?”

    “Not exactly,” she answers, blushing. She turns, crosses her legs, and … HONK!

  • A Wedding At The Old Age Home

    An elderly widower and an elderly widow meet in the old age home and decide to get married.

    The house doctor gives them a checkup first.

    After examining the widow, he calls the widower in and confides in him:

    “Be gentle on your wedding night. Your fiancée has acute angina.”

    The widower says, “YOU’LL HAVE TO SPEAK UP, MY HEARING ISN’T SO GOOD.”

    So the doctor yells, “I SAID SHE HAS ACUTE ANGINA!”

    The widower responds, “YOU’RE DARN TOOTING SHE DOES! AND HER TITS AIN’T BAD EITHER!”

  • Luigi’s Work Around Town

    Luigi is taking his new apprentice through town, showing him all he’s done. They start at a lovely bridge that spans a river. The craftsman points, “Luigi did this service for the town. Luigi chose strong timbers for the span, made sure all was sound and secure. Do they call me Luigi the Bridge Maker? No!”

    They went to the docks, where Luigi pointed to the ships. “Luigi laid these keels, squared timbers, and made sure boards fit perfect. Do they call me Luigi the Shipwright? No!”

    Finally, they went to a little shop where furniture was sold. “Luigi crafted these tables and set the joints that they might serve a family for generations. Do they call me Luigi the Carpenter? No!”

    “But you fuck ONE goat…”

  • Picking A Good Jury

    A farmer was getting sucked off by his goat when a group of bicyclists passed by. In shock, they went to the chief of police, and he was charged with a felony.

    There was a good lawyer in town, but he was much too expensive. Another lawyer did not have the qualifications of the expensive one, but had a reputation for being able to pick a good jury.

    As his lawyer fumbled through the trial, the farmer cringed as one after another of the witnesses gave damning testimony against him, and the jury focused intently. He thought he was going to be convicted for sure.

    Then, during a pause in the testimony, he heard one juror whisper to another, “A good goat will do that for you.”

  • An Online Conversation

    An Online Conversation

    I love when my boyfriend cums in me, so I can drag my pussy across the floor and pretend I'm a snail

    Jesus left the conversation

  • A Conversation With a Girl

    A Conversation With a Girl

    I WAS BANGING A RETARDED GIRL AND SHE WOULDN'T LET ME CUM IN HER MOUTH

    SO I CAME ON THE WINDOW AND LET NATURE TAKE ITS COURSE