Getting a woman to spread her legs is a lot like spreading butter on bread…
You can do it with a credit card, but it’s easier with a knife.
Meh Thoughts
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Amazon Driver Work From Home
My wife orders so much from Amazon that if I got a job as an Amazon driver they’d probably just let me work from home.
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One for the Road
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm.
He says to the bartender, “Two beers please. One for me, and one for the road.”
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No Words to Describe How Angry I Am
I recently ordered a thesaurus online and when it arrived it was blank. I literally have no words to describe how angry I am.
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The Wurst Is Yet to Come
I ordered some German food from DoorDash. The sauerkraut has arrived but the wurst is yet to come.
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Good Buoy
I took my dog to the lake today and noticed he floats very well.
He’s a very good buoy.
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My first girlfriend never stopped counting, so I broke up with her.
My first girlfriend never stopped counting, so I broke up with her.
I wonder what she’s up to?
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It’s a Boy
It was 10 years ago today my best mate James came running out of the room shouting, “It’s a boy!” with tears streaming down his face.
We never went back to Thailand.
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The Lawn Guy
I had to fire the guy who mows my lawn.
He just wasn’t cutting it.
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The Butcher’s Accident
Did you hear about the butcher who fell backwards into his meat grinder?
He got a little behind in his work.
