Meh Thoughts: Dark Shower Thoughts & One-Liners

The Difference Between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson

What was the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson?

Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon, and Michael Jackson fucked kids.

What does a 9-volt battery and an asshole have in common?

If you lick it, and nothing happens, it’s probably dead.

What’s more embarrassing than locking your keys in your car at an abortion clinic?

Having to go inside and ask for a coat hanger.

I hate shower sex.

It’s slippery, awkward, and one of the worst things about prison.

Did you hear about the Italian chef with a terminal illness?
He pastaway.
Cannoli do so much.
Now hes just a pizza history.

I tried to organize a professional Hide-and-Seek tournament, but it was a complete failure. Good players are hard to find.

Three tons of hair was stolen from a wig factory.

Police are combing the area.

I think my porn was not completely downloaded

If two gay Black men get married and adopt a baby, which father is supposed to abandon the family?

[Walks into bookstore]

Me: Do you have any books on turtles?

Worker: Hard back?

Me: Yeah, with little heads.