Whenever I hear of a person missing from my neighborhood, I start digging holes in my yard. Nothing freaks out the cops more than fresh dig marks.
Meh Thoughts
-
Boobs and Scotch
What do boobs and scotch have in common?
One is not enough and three is too many.
-
Push and Pull
On his deathbed, my grandfather said, “Remember these two words. They’ll open a lot of doors for you in life.”
“Push and Pull.”
-
Dry Salads
I am told that the salads I make tend to be a bit on the “dry” side.
It’s definitely something that needs addressing.
-
Took Me Back
The other day, I was thinking about the time I put my very first car into reverse. Man, that took me back.
-
Nudist Contemplation
As I folded the third load of laundry this morning, I contemplated on becoming a nudist.
Then I remembered what I look like naked, and I kept folding…
-
Repulsing
Say what you will about CPR, but I find it repulsing.
-
Ruthless
A friend of mine just texted his girlfriend Ruth and told her that it’s over between them. I can’t believe that he did that over text.
He’s Ruthless.
