After I invested all my spare cash into an origami business, it folded.
Meh Thoughts
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A Remarkable Guy
My friend Mark changed his name to something else, but now he’s thinking about changing it back.
Truly a remarkable guy.
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So Full of Himself
Did you hear about the arrogant cannibal who started eating his own arms and legs?
He was so full of himself.
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This Thing Changes Everything
I got a new universal remote last week and let me tell you, this thing changes everything.
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Because I Don’t Do Any of These Things
Nobody sees the 5am runs.
Nobody sees me choosing a salad over fries.
Nobody sees me doing yoga in a peaceful sunlit room.
Because I don’t do any of these things.
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Two No Shows But I Had Fun
I had my first threesome tonight.
There were two no shows but I had fun.
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At the Finnish Line
Where did the Helsinki marathon end?
At the Finnish line.
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Right Up There
Not sure if a colonoscopy is the most painful medical procedure but it’s right up there!
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The Last Thing You Want to Hear
When I was getting my physical, at one point the doctor told me I’d feel a small prick.
Definitely the last thing you want to hear before a prostate exam.
