Meh Thoughts

Meh thoughts

Short thoughts for long downward spirals

Browse quick-hit shower thoughts, deadpan one-liners, dark little observations, and questionable micro-rants from Chaotic Meh. They are short, searchable, and emotionally about as stable as a folding chair in a hurricane.

  • Parsley Farm

    I just got hired at a parsley farm.

    It’s pretty easy work, but the downside is that they started garnishing my wages.

  • Red Flags Everywhere

    I broke up with my girlfriend of five years because I found out she was a communist.

    I should have known — there were red flags everywhere.

  • Invisible

    I thought I was invisible, so I went to the doctor…

    …unfortunately, he couldn’t see me.

  • eBay Is So Useless

    eBay is so useless.

    I tried looking up lighters, and all they had was 13,749 matches.

  • Job Interview

    Job Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in the next five years?

    Me: I’d say my biggest weakness is listening.

  • The Speed Limit of Sex

    What is the speed limit of sex?

    68 — because at 69 you have to turn around.

  • Magic Relationship

    Wife wanted me to put the magic back into our relationship.

    But I don’t think sawing her in half was what she was thinking.

  • The Wizard’s Choice

    When I was a kid, a wizard gave me a choice — to have a giant dick, or perfect memory.

    I forgot which one I picked.

  • One Leg

    What has one leg and licks balls?

    My amputee girlfriend.

  • Flappuccino

    What is the female equivalent of teabagging?

    A flappuccino.

Get 5 Unhinged Jokes Every Friday

No spam. Just dark humor and bad decisions in email form.