Meh Thoughts: Dark Shower Thoughts & One-Liners

Still Wouldn’t Tell Me Why It Crossed the Road

I grilled a chicken for two hours…

Still wouldn’t tell me why it crossed the road.

Decided to quit my job and travel the world until I run out of money!

I should be home in time for dinner.

My neighbor introduced his wife to me as his “better half.”

I returned the courtesy and introduced my wife as the “lesser of two evils.”

My wife left me because I have an unhealthy obsession with Africa.

Kenya believe it?!

English puns make me feel numb but math puns make me feel number.

I keep forgetting the difference between etymology and entomology…

…and words cannot describe how much this bugs me.

Magician: “And for my next trick, I will disappear!”

Magician: *holds pear*

“You’re the worst fruit ever!”

The salesman at the furniture store told me, “This sofa will seat 4 people without any problems.”

I said, “Where the hell am I going to find 4 people without any problems?”

My dad used to tell me that you can’t save anyone; they have to save themselves.

Great man. Terrible lifeguard.

If you came here expecting me to drop some awesome Star Wars puns today…

I’m afraid you’re looking in Alderaan places.