I just found out my girlfriend isn’t a virgin.
Her kids and I are shocked.
Meh Thoughts
Meh thoughts
Short thoughts for long downward spirals
Browse quick-hit shower thoughts, deadpan one-liners, dark little observations, and questionable micro-rants from Chaotic Meh. They are short, searchable, and emotionally about as stable as a folding chair in a hurricane.
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Future Racecar Driver
The way my four-year-old really gets into steering when we’re in the car makes me think he might grow up to be a professional racecar driver. And to think I originally just needed him to sit in my lap and take the wheel while I reached back for another beer.
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Rash Decisions: A Lesson from Allergies
I woke up to an allergic reaction spreading all over my body.
My instinct was to go straight to the doctor, but then I realized that one should never make rash decisions!
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Man Wanted for Robbery
I was out on a walk when I saw a sign that said, “Man wanted for robbery.”
So I went in and applied for the job.
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Why Is the Bible Like a Penis
Why is the Bible like a penis?
You get it forced down your throat by a priest.
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I’d never vote for another Bush for president, but I might be
I’d never vote for another Bush for president, but I might be persuaded to cast one for “Shaved Clam.”
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That’s 15-love
My wife said, “I can think of 14 reasons to leave you, plus your obsession with tennis.”
I replied, “That’s 15-love.”
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Aluminum foil is a poor stand-in for wiping your ass, but
Aluminum foil is a poor stand-in for wiping your ass, but sometimes a change is nice.
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I gave my neighbor a bottle of wine when she moved in, and for a
I gave my neighbor a bottle of wine when she moved in, and for a goodbye gift I’m throwing an expired Lean Cuisine onto her lawn as I drive the fuck away.
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I Could See Myself Working There
They’re building a mirror factory in my town.
I could see myself working there.
