Just as I was about to slip some more company pens and note pads into my pocket, that small inner voice stopped me, saying, “Jerry, don’t do that. It’s wrong.” Then it added, “Why don’t you kill everybody here instead?”
Meh Thoughts
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Neither Repeating Nor Terminating
My math teacher calls the 14th of March “Pi Day” because it’s 3/14. I celebrated by neither repeating nor terminating for the whole day.
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Ever notice that the root word of “penis” is “pen”? It makes
Ever notice that the root word of “penis” is “pen”? It makes sense when you think about it. Sometimes you really have to grip it hard and make a lot of tight little circles to get the ink flowing.
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I can’t catch a break.
I can’t catch a break. Last year I won a million dollars in the lottery and got so excited I went through two million dollars worth of Depends.
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Life is constantly screwing with me.
Life is constantly screwing with me. The day before yesterday, it gave me lemons. Yesterday it gave me tequila. Then today it gave me Splenda. WTF am I supposed to do with Splenda?
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You know you’re not a fashionista when you look at a piece and think, “On what part of
You know you’re not a fashionista when you look at a piece and think, “On what part of your body do you put that?”
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An Edison
What do you call a stolen Tesla?
An Edison.
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You wanna see Richter scale action? Try me, on a trampoline, braless
You wanna see Richter scale action? Try me, on a trampoline, braless.
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Had to Pop the Trunk
I won a balloon elephant at the fair and it wouldn’t fit in the back seat of the car. So I had to pop the trunk.
