What did Adolf Hitler do when he spilled his lemonade all over the table?
He wiped off the “Juice.”
Meh Thoughts
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“Wheel of Fortune” Ancient Egypt Week: “Is there anything that looks like two birds
“Wheel of Fortune” Ancient Egypt Week: “Is there anything that looks like two birds trying to kill a snake, Pat?”
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My boyfriend got really excited when I whispered, “Someone’s
My boyfriend got really excited when I whispered, “Someone’s getting anal tonight.” Unfortunately for him, I was referring to his mom’s meticulousness in the kitchen.
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The third couldn’t reach
Three nuns were sitting on a bench in the park when a man ran up and flashed them.
Two of the nuns had a stroke. The third couldn’t reach. -
If I were that famed limerick guy from Nantucket, I’d have made a lucrative career for
If I were that famed limerick guy from Nantucket, I’d have made a lucrative career for myself in the adult entertainment industry. But I’d probably still do that other thing, too.
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Ain’t no sunshine when she’s gone.
Ain’t no sunshine when she’s gone. And frankly, the money to be had by blackmailing the agriculture and tourism industries outweighs my gut-level revulsion at having a weather-controlling freakazoid girlfriend.
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It never fails: Whenever I try to get romantic with a woman, I always start crying
It never fails: Whenever I try to get romantic with a woman, I always start crying uncontrollably. I guess pepper spray will do that to ya.
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Linux: The Only Option for Spacebound Astronauts!
Why do astronauts use Linux?
Because they can’t open Windows in space. -
Why don’t the voices in my head ever tell me to do something productive, like put knife
Why don’t the voices in my head ever tell me to do something productive, like put knife down, release the hostages, and get an MBA?
