First there was S&M;, then SMBD, then LGBT. Now it’s LGBTQIA. Forget about erectile dysfunction pills, I need a prescription to cure my Acronymorrhea.
Meh Thoughts
-
Contrary to what my mom says, I don’t lack ambition.
Contrary to what my mom says, I don’t lack ambition. I’ve already made plans to be buried with a shotgun and a box of shells so that someday I’ll be the most badass zombie EVER.
-
I’m not saying my boyfriend’s penis is small, but that’s only
I’m not saying my boyfriend’s penis is small, but that’s only because he’s probably heard it his entire life and I don’t want him to feel bad.
-
Common Sense: The Deodorant of Wisdom
Common sense is like deodorant… the people who need it most never use it.
-
A commercial just warned me not to buy their product if I have a
A commercial just warned me not to buy their product if I have a bowel blockage. I was surprised because I didn’t think plungers needed advertising.
-
I wouldn’t mind being the last person on earth.
I wouldn’t mind being the last person on earth. At least I could get that “sock puppet on the observation deck of the Eiffel Tower” fantasy out of my head once and for all.
-
The train conductor kept telling me to get off, but trust me,
The train conductor kept telling me to get off, but trust me, with all that rocking the train was doing I had already done so.
-
He ripped me off
You know that guy who made the movie “Super Size Me,” in which he gained 31 pounds after eating nothing but McDonald’s food for an entire month? That dude totally ripped me off. I did it first, except he filmed it or something.
-
To alleviate my public speaking phobia, my speech instructor suggested I envision the
To alleviate my public speaking phobia, my speech instructor suggested I envision the audience naked. Though it initially seemed to work, I soon realized it was replaced with a new phobia: the fear of getting wood in front of my co-workers during a staff meeting.
-
Wolves: Higher Jumpers Than Houses!
Did you know that wolves can jump higher than an average 1 story house?
Absolutely true, but mostly because houses can’t jump very high.
