“Holy throbbing clit, Batman!” was apparently the wrong way to express my excitement at Macy’s children’s shoe sale.
Meh Thoughts
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Aluminum foil is a poor stand-in for toilet paper, but sometimes a change is nice.
Aluminum foil is a poor stand-in for toilet paper, but sometimes a change is nice.
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Live each moment as if it were your last.
Live each moment as if it were your last. Life becomes more enjoyable if you think you’re about to die.
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I think the strongest argument in favor of intelligent design is that every time you
I think the strongest argument in favor of intelligent design is that every time you poop, it comes out looking like poop, never something random like a flower or a hedgehog.
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The statement “A picture is worth a thousand words” is worth 0.007 of a picture.
The statement “A picture is worth a thousand words” is worth 0.007 of a picture.
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Wait, I’m confused — do I bang a gong first, then get it on, or vice-versa?
Wait, I’m confused — do I bang a gong first, then get it on, or vice-versa?
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Fava Beans and a Nice Chianti
I cried because I had no shoes. Then I met a man who had no feet. And then no hands. And then no head. And then I ate his tasty liver with fava beans and a nice Chianti.
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Digging in Her Heels
A guy tells his buddy, “I’ve had enough of my wife. Today I told her that what she’s wearing isn’t appropriate for gardening.”
“What happened?” his buddy asks. “Did she listen?”
And the guy says, “Nope. She’s digging in her heels.”
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Vanished Without a Tres
I recently attended a magic show in Mexico…
The magician said, “Uno, dos,” and then vanished without a tres.
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Life’s Journey: Remembering Those We Lost
As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way.
Maybe a career as a tour guide wasn’t the right choice.
