(Daina Schatz / @dsschatz) My wife promised me a hummer for my birthday, so I was very disappointed to find a $50,000 SUV in my driveway.
Meh Thoughts
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In stand-up comedy, there exist only two time frames: the present and “the other day,”
In stand-up comedy, there exist only two time frames: the present and “the other day,” when everything always happens.
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I love those days when you spend the whole day in your PJs. And
I love those days when you spend the whole day in your PJs. And my co-workers *really* love the crotchless silk teddy I’m wearing.
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I love skiing. Time in the mountains, fresh snow everywhere, and
I love skiing. Time in the mountains, fresh snow everywhere, and rock hard nipples on every hot woman within sight.
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I wonder if the clothing and shoe factories of Southeast Asia ever have “Take Your
I wonder if the clothing and shoe factories of Southeast Asia ever have “Take Your Parents to Work Day.”
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I’m holding back from having my own children because I’m not sure I’d be a very good
I’m holding back from having my own children because I’m not sure I’d be a very good parent. Besides, have you any idea how much people at raves charge when you want them to watch kids?
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My dog likes to sniff bushes while he poops, lending a lot of
My dog likes to sniff bushes while he poops, lending a lot of weight to my theories that shrubs are just dog magazines.
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A fart is a wish your turd makes
A fart is a wish your turd makes.
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She loves me… She loves me not… She loves me… She loves me
She loves me… She loves me not… She loves me… She loves me not… Hell, as long as she keeps putting out and doesn’t divorce me, what fucking difference does it make?!
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(Roman Meeks) I like my bloody marys like I like my women: with
(Roman Meeks) I like my bloody marys like I like my women: with a little pickle in ’em!
