Nothing takes the sexy out of a fresh set of bed sheets faster than a schmear of butt-mustard left behind by the cat.
Meh Thoughts
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Okay, I get it: Every kiss begins with Kay. But what jewelry
Okay, I get it: Every kiss begins with Kay. But what jewelry store do I need if I just want a blow job?
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Before I can stand up and turn around — whoosh, it’s gone!
Before I can stand up and turn around — whoosh, it’s gone! Airports should add a pause button to those damn electronic toilets.
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They say you never forget the name of your first love. Mine was
They say you never forget the name of your first love. Mine was Asshole O’Douchebag.
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They say a dog’s sense of smell is thousands of times better
They say a dog’s sense of smell is thousands of times better than that of a human. If that’s the case, why do dogs have to get their nose so damn close when sniffing each others butts?
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I thought I’d be successful with my specialty furniture
I thought I’d be successful with my specialty furniture business, but every time I call a prospective customer and ask if they want to see my stool samples, they just gasp and hang up.
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Two things: 1) HDTV is not “Hard Dick TV.” 2) Costco doesn’t
Two things: 1) HDTV is not “Hard Dick TV.” 2) Costco doesn’t like it when you bring a vibrator to look at HDTVs.
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Ladies, it’s important that you pay attention to the idioms you
Ladies, it’s important that you pay attention to the idioms you use when speaking to your man. There’s a subtle but crucial difference between telling him you’re planning to “blow him off” and “blow him.”
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But in the end, it’s always my dick that somehow ends up
But in the end, it’s always my dick that somehow ends up grabbing my attention. (Jim Woodruff My new girlfriend is the sexiest woman in the world: big firm breasts, gorgeous eyes and lips, luscious curving hips, long and thick peni– hey, wait just a fucking minute! Oh, my god. I can’t believe this! She totally forgot to wish me a happy one-week anniversary!
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I try listening to my heart, really I do
I try listening to my heart, really I do.
