I just learned a new riff on my ukulele, in case you were wondering where all this pussy came from.
Meh Thoughts
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Shaved my balls tonight, and man was it painful! The worst part
Shaved my balls tonight, and man was it painful! The worst part was getting them out of my scrotum.
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The best thing about solitary confinement: Nobody walks in while
The best thing about solitary confinement: Nobody walks in while I’m masturbating.
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The song says you can’t hurry love, yet my boyfriend manages to
The song says you can’t hurry love, yet my boyfriend manages to cum in less than 60 seconds every damn time.
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My dog taught me to how lick my balls. Then he showed me how to
My dog taught me to how lick my balls. Then he showed me how to scratch behind my ear with my back leg, because I needed TWO tricks for this last New Year’s Eve party.
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I don’t even like to bargain or haggle, but one of my favorite
I don’t even like to bargain or haggle, but one of my favorite words in the English language is still “dicker.”
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The reason I keep going back to Cherry is that she appreciates
The reason I keep going back to Cherry is that she appreciates my eccentricities, like using exactly 2.5 tablespoons of lube, and that it has to be applied clockwise to both my cock and her sphincter, once before and once midway through. Yep, I’m *very* anal about anal.
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I like my women like I like my grilled cheese sandwiches:
I like my women like I like my grilled cheese sandwiches: slightly toasted, cheesy, and with really large tits.
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If you can’t tell the difference between my erect penis and a
If you can’t tell the difference between my erect penis and a pocketed banana, why the hell should I be happy?
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Judging from all the gagging and vomiting, I’m guessing the
Judging from all the gagging and vomiting, I’m guessing the other passengers had never seen somebody eat a bunch of melted Reese’s cups before. At least not out of a diaper.
