Meh Thoughts: Dark Shower Thoughts & One-Liners

I SLURPED OUT OF A VAGINA IN A BETTER PLACE THAN YOU SLURPED OUT

I SLURPED OUT OF A VAGINA IN A BETTER PLACE THAN YOU SLURPED OUT OF A VAGINA! – patriotic people

Fun Fact: Not one single woman in the history of women has ever fucked a guy after he walked up to her and asked, “Why aren’t you smiling?”

The 69th wedding anniversary should be the dildo anniversary. Not only is the number appropriate but you’re definitely not fucking anyone by then.

Doctors recommend Pepto Bismol for their patients not already shitting horrifying, jet-black concrete.

I read about how so many teens are sexting nowadays. How will they ever get good at fucking if they’re constantly on their goddamn phones?

I’m just gonna be the asshole that says those 3-D ultrasound images make your babies look scary as shit.

I took all the money I saved not buying Valentine’s Day presents over the years and bought masturbation toys. Now I own a solid gold fuck stick.

I have plenty of financial help to give to my ex. None of it involves another fucking dime of my own money, though.

“I ORDERED SAMOAS, YOU FUCKING TWAT!” I screamed, hurling the box of Caramel deLites at the Girl Scout’s face. Oddly, everyone was on HER side.

In heaven, the guys’ dicks never pop out and the pussies never fart. It’s awesome.