They say love means different things to different people — but my lawyer has instructed me not to say what it means to me until after the trial.
Meh Thoughts
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Bananas: Prostate Power with a Side of Reminder!
My doctor told me bananas were good for the prostate.
I wish he had also told me I needed to eat them.
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Kidney Donation: Where Did You Get It?
I tried to donate a kidney but they kept asking where I got it from…
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point, must have thrown up in his or her mouth A LOT
point, must have thrown up in his or her mouth A LOT.
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I don’t like to tell potential employers I was downsized from my last job, because that
I don’t like to tell potential employers I was downsized from my last job, because that makes me seem like a loser who couldn’t adapt to the changing business environment. So I tell them instead that I quit to spend more quality time with my kitty cats.
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Instead of a Zamboni
If minor league hockey teams really want to rope in the fans, they should use a chick in a bikini with a flamethrower instead of a Zamboni.
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In hindsight, I suppose I should have instead told my wife that I had a great time this
In hindsight, I suppose I should have instead told my wife that I had a great time this afternoon with a “foursome which lost a member before teeing off the first hole.” Then maybe I’d have TWO working testicles.
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Cock Fighting
I just found out that cockfighting is done with chickens. That’s two years of training I’ll never get back.
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I thought about getting a snippet of a language I don’t speak
I thought about getting a snippet of a language I don’t speak tattooed on me. How’s this “camel cock” from ancient Egyptian hieroglyphics?
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Now I stand corrected
I didn’t believe in my chiropractor.
But now I stand corrected.
