I’m pretty sure hotel room service maids fold the toilet paper into a pointed wedge to make it easier for me to reach my buttcrack.
Meh Thoughts
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Sometimes when I’m in a difficult situation I ask, “What Would Jesus Do?”
Sometimes when I’m in a difficult situation I ask, “What Would Jesus Do?” And always a little voice inside me answers, “Well, he probably wouldn’t try to cram *another* corpse into the crawl-space, moron.”
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I recently entered the National Pathological Liars Contest — and WON!
I recently entered the National Pathological Liars Contest — and WON! Then again, all the entrants claimed they won.
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Seagulls or Bagels? A Silly Dilemma!
Why won’t seagulls fly over the bay?
Because then they’d be bagels. -
Stretching Sentences: A Lawyer’s Favorite Workout
A lawyer’s favorite exercise is stretching one sentence into six billable pages.
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Note to employees: The statement “Think outside the box” does *not* constitute
Note to employees: The statement “Think outside the box” does *not* constitute permission to leave it.
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If I lived in the land of the blind, I’d tell everyone I had one eye, even if I didn’t.
If I lived in the land of the blind, I’d tell everyone I had one eye, even if I didn’t. I mean, who’s gonna know, right? And just like that — free kingdom!
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A Hummer limo seem like a good idea for Prom since the two best
A Hummer limo seem like a good idea for Prom since the two best things about Prom are right there in its name.
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Some people like scrapbooking.
Some people like scrapbooking. Some people like antiquing. Gerunds seem to be infiltrating and turning our nouns to the dark side.
