Contrary to what my mom says, I don’t lack ambition. I’ve already made plans to be buried with a shotgun and a box of shells so that someday I’ll be the most badass zombie EVER.
Meh Thoughts
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What a bargain this invisible fencing is.
What a bargain this invisible fencing is. It even came with an invisible dog!
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I’m in a group that does Cold War reenactments.
I’m in a group that does Cold War reenactments. It’s pretty easy — all you have to do is sit around and look worried about the USSR.
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For me, the best part of waking up is knowing I can afford to go to Starbucks and not
For me, the best part of waking up is knowing I can afford to go to Starbucks and not have to drink that Folgers crap.
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Prediction for 2010: The states of New York and New Jersey will merge and be called New
Prediction for 2010: The states of New York and New Jersey will merge and be called New Jerk.
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I wish they’d taught abstinence back when I was in school.
I wish they’d taught abstinence back when I was in school. I was so good at not getting laid back then, I would have screwed up the grading curve for the rest of the class.
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I cried when I had no shoes, until I met a man with only one leg at an ass-kicking
I cried when I had no shoes, until I met a man with only one leg at an ass-kicking contest.
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It’s not a loophole — it’s a policy flexibility assurance aperture.
It’s not a loophole — it’s a policy flexibility assurance aperture.
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When I went to leave my house today, there were so many birds outside that it was really
When I went to leave my house today, there were so many birds outside that it was really scary, like an Alfred Hitchcock movie. I can’t think of which one, though.
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I think it would be cool if they came out with an “Extreme Wonderbra,” where guys would
I think it would be cool if they came out with an “Extreme Wonderbra,” where guys would never know beforehand what was behind it — like a wolverine or a pizza.
