Sure, I robbed that bank. I heard that cute bank teller fingered lots of suspects in the past.
Meh Thoughts
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You know you have been married a while when Date Night involves getting a sitter for the
You know you have been married a while when Date Night involves getting a sitter for the kids so you can shop at Restoration Hardware until it closes.
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Carrots Are Good for Your Memory
Carrots are good for your memory.
Get one shoved in your ass and you won’t forget it.
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I should have known this was a porn restaurant when they gave me
I should have known this was a porn restaurant when they gave me a peanut fluffer and K-Y Jelly sandwich.
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My wife seemed excited about the trove of sex toys I gave her for Christmas.
My wife seemed excited about the trove of sex toys I gave her for Christmas. She’ll be even more ecstatic when she learns I got them used for a pittance on eBay!
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McDonald’s brags about their billions and billions of hamburgers sold, but they never
McDonald’s brags about their billions and billions of hamburgers sold, but they never mention the hundreds of thousands that get thrown back up.
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Whenever I help my boyfriend get off by letting him watch me
Whenever I help my boyfriend get off by letting him watch me masturbate, after he thanks me I like to say, “Happy to lend a helping finger!”
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I expect that the Afghan women hardest hit by Taliban rule were Afghan women mimes.
I expect that the Afghan women hardest hit by Taliban rule were Afghan women mimes. Not only were they forced to wear burqas, but they weren’t allowed to speak about it — and they *still* can’t speak about it, pretty much by definition.
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You’d think politicians would have a little more respect.
You’d think politicians would have a little more respect. I continually pass up a lot of great felony opportunities in my life so I can vote.
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My Asian girlfriend made us dinner last night, eventually
My Asian girlfriend made us dinner last night, eventually followed by passionate lovemaking. Nevertheless, I awakened abruptly only an hour later, with an unsatisfied hunger. Was it the twice cooked pork, or the twice porked cook that I was craving?
