I kind of have a problem with women breastfeeding in public. I mean, shouldn’t you be weaned by the time you’re a grown woman?
Meh Thoughts
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My Kids Asked for a Dance Party in the Vegetable Garden
My kids asked if they could have a dance party in the neighbor’s vegetable garden. I’m like, “Uh, why?”
“Because they lettuce turnip the beets.”
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Too Weak Notice
I’ve decided to quit my job as a personal trainer because the weights are too heavy.
I just handed in my too weak notice.
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Ants in Pants vs. Uncles: Who’s Worse?
What’s worse than ants in your pants?
Uncles.
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Is a Finger in the Ass Really Necessary
We have X-rays to see bones, ultrasounds to see babies, and an MRI to see the brain.
Is a finger in the ass really necessary for a prostate exam?
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My gang name is The Toaster, cuz if you stab a fork in me, I
My gang name is The Toaster, cuz if you stab a fork in me, I will fuck you up. Also, I can lightly brown a bagel like a motherfucker.
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I call it “life-saving Heimlich maneuver,” but some unappreciative women call it
I call it “life-saving Heimlich maneuver,” but some unappreciative women call it “groping.” And guess who got the insensitive judge that makes narrow interpretations of the law? Again!
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I could tell we were in for a long night at work when our supervisor raised a megaphone
I could tell we were in for a long night at work when our supervisor raised a megaphone to his lips and yelled, “Gentlemen, start your catheters!”
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I wish those NRA nuts would realize I’d be more sympathetic to their cause if the
I wish those NRA nuts would realize I’d be more sympathetic to their cause if the government were trying to take away people’s right to bare *breasts*.
