Did you hear about the butcher who fell backwards into his meat grinder?
He got a little behind in his work.
Meh Thoughts
-
I kind of understand my long-distance girlfriend’s sudden
I kind of understand my long-distance girlfriend’s sudden decision to want to sleep with local guys when I’m not around. Her desire to sleep with them when I *am* around is more troubling.
-
Okay, so if not in the mouth, where exactly should one look a gift horse?
Okay, so if not in the mouth, where exactly should one look a gift horse?
-
I wonder if the illegal aliens living in the US find all these “Earth Day” celebrations
I wonder if the illegal aliens living in the US find all these “Earth Day” celebrations to be exclusionary and somewhat insensitive to beings from their own home planets.
-
I may have to reverse the polarity on my car.
I may have to reverse the polarity on my car. It’s supposed to be a total chick magnet, but so far it only seems to repel them.
-
The four-year-olds at my son’s birthday party mistakenly thought it was a pinata, but I
The four-year-olds at my son’s birthday party mistakenly thought it was a pinata, but I was actually just hanging Curious George in effigy.
-
Until HR helped me clear things up, I had always assumed the sexual harassment clock
Until HR helped me clear things up, I had always assumed the sexual harassment clock didn’t start until *after* the job interview.
-
In stand-up comedy, there exist only two time frames: the present and “the other day,”
In stand-up comedy, there exist only two time frames: the present and “the other day,” when everything always happens.
-
Some woman in traffic yelled out her window at me, “You suck!”
Some woman in traffic yelled out her window at me, “You suck!” Well, duh. How do you think we careened off the guardrail and into oncoming traffic in the first place?
-
Butterflies in my stomach
I’d never make it on one of those “Survivor” shows. Every time I think about eating something like caterpillars, I start to get butterflies in my stomach.
