I used to enjoy taking afternoon vacations in my mind, but I eventually got lazy and the service at my mental resort went downhill. So I stopped tipping, but now I suspect that I’ve begun spitting in my drinks to get even.
Meh Thoughts
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It’s really easy to quit
I don’t know why people say, “It’s so hard to quit.” It’s really easy when it’s something you didn’t want to do in the first place.
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Free of charge
The sweater my wife gave me was picking up static electricity, so I went to the store to change it.
They gave me another one, free of charge.
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I went to a christening and now everyone is mad at me.
I went to a christening and now everyone is mad at me. In my defense, it was the first one I ever attended, and I never would’ve thought it would take me that many swings to break a champagne bottle over an infant’s head.
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I agree with Theodore Roosevelt, who said, “Speak softly and carry a big stick.”
I agree with Theodore Roosevelt, who said, “Speak softly and carry a big stick.” In my opinion, for a person making fun of someone with laryngitis, nothing will better convey “Hey, back off or I’ll take out your eye — WITH THIS STICK!”
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ID Theft
My friend David has just been a victim of ID theft.
He’s now called Dav.
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This morning, I woke up on the floor next to some nameless Wal-Mart greeter, both of us
This morning, I woke up on the floor next to some nameless Wal-Mart greeter, both of us naked and covered with Cheez Whiz. Well, there goes THAT resolution.
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Ask not what your country can do for you.
Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask who knew that we were the first country to elect a president fluent in Yoda-speak.
